Thank You Maika, very well written in fact. I am shocked because we had the baby but in your case who goes from signing a mortgage on a dream home to wrecking it for the entire family? There is no way to understand the WAS mind.
You say, in the process you realized you cannot salvage your R due to her personality traits. How far along were you in the DB to have realized this and how much after BD?

Piecing is not easy, it takes 2 strong individuals not a strong couple to make it thru.WAS leaves the LBS shattered and rejected. Over time LBS gets over the initial trauma and begins to see they might have played a role but definitely are not responsible entirely for the undoing. And most of us realize this could have had so many other outcomes, S and D are the worst choices. We realize the WAS is broken. Once they are out of the fog, eventually WAS has to realize this too. At that point in time, the WAS is way lower on the R and even humanity scale compared to the LBS who picked up the pieces and moved on. In that aspect it is easy to be a LBS, the guilt that comes out of breaking the MR and the home for your kids must be eternal. Of course unless they are plain evil and are far gone. How is R possible at that point. For the WAS to be forgiven and to be made to feel that past will be forgotten, this has to take tremendous effort on both sides and that is what I am seeing in Blu's scenario.
They both need to be very strong individuals, for her to consider forgiving him but also for him to come back and make amends knowing he will have to bear this burden living together needs a lot of strength from his side.
Blu, my question to you is, you clearly made him realize you were the lighthouse, but how did you keep the path to home paved? What gave him the hope and idea that you maybe able to forgive and work on the R in spite of his behavior? Why did he return to you to go thru this pain after the A ended, it would be easier to just move on in life and be in denial, but there must be something you did that gave him this confidence. Can you please let us know how that played out in your sitch?
- Arshi