Advice Needed To Deal With WW - Part 3

[Bewas]

My W is dropping off my S tonight for my week with him. I've missed him. I still can't understand how she doesn't think this is going to affect negatively him going forward. It's was always the same from her ..."my parents got divorced and I turned out fine" (yeah...sure you did...) or "lots of kids grow up through divorce" (yeah and have issues throughout life because of it).

Well she's not wrong about that, lots of kids come from divorced parents and grow up just fine. Would it be better for the kids to keep the M intact? Of course, definitely. But life is full of adversity and we all have to deal with it and keep moving forward. Kids survive D, terrible injuries and illnesses, deaths in the family, broken hearts from relationships, etc. It's part of growing up. As parents we want nothing more than to shield them from the pain of life, but we can't. All we can do is support and nurture them as they go through it. If our spouse leaves us then we need to double down on being the best parent we can to help soften the blow to the kids, which can be particularly tough when we're struggling to deal with it ourselves.

Oh well, I guess she will do and say whatever in her own mind to justify what she is doing to her family.

She may say that but inside she knows it's hurting them and she more than likely does feel terrible about it. But yes she will say things like that to try and make it seem like everything is OK. Avoid telling her that it's hurting them though, because the more you try to guilt-trip her then the more adamant she will be that it's best for the kids.

Well, I think that yes, of course kids will have to deal with adversity growing up, that's just part of life. Some will turn out fine but others will carry it with them growing up and throughout life. The main issue I have with statements from her like that is she herself is so very far from "fine" and is just so blind to it. I believe she has been affected by it her entire life whether she admits it or not. Her sisters say they've been affected by it a lot their whole lives so I'm sure she is the same. To do it willingly to your own S for no good reason is disgusting to me. I do plan on being the best parent I possibly can be to my S to help him through this regardless of outcome.

I'm far removed from trying to convince her of anything anymore. I believe that yes, deep down she too knows it's wrong but is either powerless to stop herself or is just convincing herself it's fine anyway that she can.