So, anyway, I'm pretty nervous about that, just because (as the detaching process mentions) I tend to think how I would feel if he went on a business trip and didn't seem interested in texting me or whatever. Of all the rationalizations for not detaching, that's the one I'm most guilty of - the feeling that I am being cold-hearted if I do it, or that it's sending the wrong message. I want to choose to always take the higher road...I am honestly NOT in the mindset of trying to "fix" him or that I need to help him or that I don't think I have logical reasons to detach... I just want to be a decent human being and hold myself accountable for things I contribute to the sitch too.
this mindset is going to hurt you... as well as your going to him each night to say you are going to bed... this behavior is what i was referring to when i said DETACHING and GAL is HARD--and most LBS cannot do it... and your behavior/thinking here is what LBS use to excuse why they should not detach... he needs to get to a place where he finds himself without you... your chances to be warm and attentive are gone since BD... your chances to be warm and attentive will return should you get to a place of piecing... but you will not get there if you do not mentally move on... and you cannot fake it... and yes--as i said before--he will complain... he will tell you this is why he is leaving you... he will make you feel guilty... it will feel wrong... unnatural... but you cannot fold at that point...
look at it this way... if he leaves you, eventually you are going to have to detach--you will have no choice... but you can initiate the detaching as a means to save your M, and you have control over that... in this way, you do have a choice...
