quit worrying about every little thing your W and her parents are doing. You can't control any of it. Focus on what you can control.
Quit doing "family meals" with your W. She doesn't want a family with you, your family is you and the kids.
Your W is playing a ton of games, you need to stop. Rise above it. Be the calm one.
Your W won't realize she is wrong like you're hoping. You can't control this either.
Stop pursuing. What does your GAL look like? You don't have the kids much so you should be out and about.
When W left, I hadn't realised how serious it really was. In 25 years we had never split-up before. I had thought she would be willing to talk about our relationship and we could quickly get back together. I hadn't realised she had already been planning a divorce.
It was her idea to do some family days out together (yet she shouted at the kids that we are not a family anymore), and then just some meals out, and now the kids and I without her. We have been going to school events to support the kids.
From the start, I've not been calling or texting her except for a few important replies. Sometimes she has called if I've not replied. Before I found this forum I had been saying a few things in person about what went wrong etc.
Last week she offered to go and do a couple of things for me but I declined. I realise now that she had probably only offered because she wants the rest of her stuff from the house.
She paid some extra money into the joint account for house bills but I know she has been hiding a lot of her money (advance planning for D). W now knows that I worked out what she was doing, and why, and that she had been doing it before she left. I was really shocked that she had been planning D and yet sleeping with me.
I am doing walking, have lost a lot of weight very quickly with very healthy eating, much better haircut, better clothes etc. I did something in the media that I'd said I would achieve one day but W hadn't believed I'd do it. W has noticed a big change in me. I start counselling this week. I do need to make new friends and get out more.
David, hello and welcome! It sounds like you are following DB principals fairly well as far as getting out, GAL'ing and working on yourself, but you're getting impatient and not giving it time to work. Stop the temperature checking, stop looking at others to intervene, and settle in for the long haul.
Your W is lost in the fog right now. She may come out of it with time, but right now she is fully immersed and there is nothing you can do but give her time and space to work it through.
Regarding whether she's having an A, I'd say the chances are very good she is. Even if she's not in a physical affair she's no doubt in an emotional one, or even an imaginary one (dreams of a knight in shining armor coming to sweep her off her feet).
I have a question for you, you keep talking about your limited visitation as not being your choice, who made that choice and why did you not try to fight it? It seems really odd that a father would go from taking care of the kids all the time to seeing them 2 hours per week unless there's something we don't know (accusations of child abuse or such).
Shortly before we split-up we were looking to buy a new house and new car. Days before she left she bought plants for our garden.
Now I find out that she was taking out large amounts of cash almost every day for months to hide from me for a future divorce.
What makes it even worse is that it has happened to me before when someone took all of my inhertance from an account using cash machines for weeks whilst my parent had been dying in hospital. That made me depressed for 3 years and I just started feeling better about 6 months ago. W knows how much it hurt me and now she has gone and done the same thing for months. It's even worse now because my W has done it.
Since realising that, I've really struggled the last few days crying when I wake up and several times per day when I think about ending it all. I very nearly called W today to ask her to slow down and not rush into a divorce. It took a lot for me not to do that.
I want us to get back together. If she doesn't even try then I don't see how I can ever even like her as a person.
I am still alone at the family home and my close friends live very far away so I lack any support in person. One friend has been amazing phoning several times per day for as long as I want to talk. W only sees a much better version of me.
I have a question for you, you keep talking about your limited visitation as not being your choice, who made that choice and why did you not try to fight it? It seems really odd that a father would go from taking care of the kids all the time to seeing them 2 hours per week unless there's something we don't know (accusations of child abuse or such).
YES. This is what I think everyone in this thread is failing to understand. Maybe it's related to rules in the UK? But I dont see how a mom can just pick up and run away with her kids. Have you been discussing with a lawyer? Is this allowable? It sounds like so far, you are just asking her for time...which is clearly not working. Shouldnt this be coordinated through the courts if you cant agree to something fair?
Like has been said...Im concerned that with this long of 'time away' and with your comments about moving away after divorce, that the court wont look favorably about your interest/dedication.
Originally Posted by DavidUK
I am still alone at the family home and my close friends live very far away so I lack any support in person.
Maybe it's time to include that in your GAL. How can you start doing activities that bring you closer to your community?
Hi David I tried to pm you but was unable to do so- maybe it’s because we are both new users and haven’t reached 100 posts yet. Not sure how to overcome this?
Me:48 W:43, Kids:S19, S17, S10, S8 M:10 years BD:06-18-2018
Hi David I tried to pm you but was unable to do so- maybe it’s because we are both new users and haven’t reached 100 posts yet. Not sure how to overcome this?
PM'ing on this board is not allowed and has been disabled
Hi David I tried to pm you but was unable to do so- maybe it’s because we are both new users and haven’t reached 100 posts yet. Not sure how to overcome this?
PM'ing on this board is not allowed and has been disabled
Ok - presumably exchanging personal info to contact privately is frowned upon too?
Me:48 W:43, Kids:S19, S17, S10, S8 M:10 years BD:06-18-2018
Hi David I tried to pm you but was unable to do so- maybe it’s because we are both new users and haven’t reached 100 posts yet. Not sure how to overcome this?
PM'ing on this board is not allowed and has been disabled
Ok - presumably exchanging personal info to contact privately is frowned upon too?
YES - re-read the board rules that you agreed to for posting on this forum
