Is It Too Late?

[WillD78]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my sitch and offer comments. It's really appreciated.

This was an interesting and difficult yet enjoyable weekend.On Friday evening I told my wife that I was thinking about taking our Ds out to dinner, as we did not have plans or food to cook. She was quiet and reserved and I could see tears welling in her eyes. This is not normal for her. She has not shown much emotion around me since BD. I asked her if she was OK. She said yes, and looked away. That was that.

I got the girls ready for dinner and -- was this a mistake? -- I asked W if she was going to come with us. Thinking about the rules "... it is okay to invite them, just don't act as if it will change your plans if they do or don't go." I thought this might have been OK. Anyway, she said, "I thought you were just taking the girls." I told her she was welcome to come. She asked me if I wanted her to go. I told her: "It's up to you. We're going." Ultimately she decided to join us. Did I handle this correctly?

That evening, after the girls were in bed, she left to go to her new place to do some cleaning. I settled in on the couch and started watching a movie. When she returned she said she was going to get ready for bed and then come back to the living room to have a drink and, presumably, join me on the couch and watch a movie. When she came back downstairs, I was tired and ready for bed. So I said goodnight and went to bed. This seemed to take her by surprise.

On Saturday, I got up early (I usually sleep in a bit on the weekends), got dressed in my new clothes, and told the girls I was going out for some daddy time and I would be back in an hour or so. I went to my favorite diner and had breakfast, then did some shopping for some things I need around the house, and went to a farmer's market. This is part of my 180. I would typically never do these things on my own and it set the stage for a nice day.

We spent some time together as a family and with friends at a local pool. As much as possible, I interacted with my kids and let my W initiate all interactions with me. That evening I cooked dinner for the family -- still pretending for kids' sake at this point -- and then had a buddy come over. He and I sat out back and had a couple of beers while my wife was inside with the girls.

That evening, she again went to her new place to continue preparing it for the move. I let this get the best of me, and it really made me mad. When she returned, I again excused myself to bed, but I couldn't sleep. When she came to bed about an hour later, I asked her why she was still here. Why is she sleeping in our bed. I told her to get out. I was rude. She slept on the couch. Perhaps this was a good thing, but the way I handled it was not good. I apologized in the morning, not for kicking her out, but for the way I did it. I slipped here and I admit it. Will get better.

On Sunday I began demo of our half bath, a rehab project that we have been putting off for about two years. I stayed busy and made some progress. I then took the girls shopping for new shoes and had a lunch date with them while W did some grocery shopping and housework. Given the poor night's rest the night before, I took a nap on the couch during the afternoon. Are DBers allowed to nap?

My folks invited us over for dinner last night. W knew I was going and taking the girls, but we had not discussed her attendance. Shortly before we left, I asked her if she was going to go. "I would like to, is that OK?" she said. "Yes," I replied. We had a lovely meal with my family and the girls enjoyed some playtime with their cousins. Nothing to report here, I suppose.

Another 180 I'm making is saying "yes" to friends and family. In the past, I would almost always turn down invitations for activities in favor of spending more time with my W and the kids. This weekend I was invited to go bike riding with two of my D7's friends' fathers. I initially wanted to turn down the invitation, but I accepted. Our plans were canceled due to weather, but it's on the agenda for this week. I'm also working to stay more active and doing things on my own. I have a round of golf scheduled for later this week as well. W is definitely curious about these new activities.

Twice in the past week, since I started implementing the rules and DB strategies, my wife has told me that I look nice. She hasn't done that since BD, except when it was forced upon us by our MC over the winter. I know I shouldn't read into this, and I'm trying not to, but it is a curious development. Yesterday, she looked exceptionally beautiful, and I told her that. Is it OK to pay her compliments like this?

Thanks, again, for all of your help and support. I was moved to tears reading your feedback over the weekend.