Advice on my Scenario Pt. 19 - Valhalla Cometh

[OrangeK]

Also, i May be experiencing some anxiety as my Birthday approaches, My birthday was always kind of a big deal.
She always tried to out do herself for my birthday.
I think because it is the occasion she really solidified our R the first year we were dating.
She did a scavenger hunt thing on my birthday in 2013 that was so personalized and thoughtful it made me cry.
Ever since then she has always done something special for my birthday.
I think im semi-consciously hoping that ill hear from her on Saturday, i need to snuff that expectation/hope out now. i fully intend to enjoy the hell out of my 31st birthday as my 30th, which should have been a milestone, was a terrible disappointment.

Last year, when she had already been seeing OM for months (unbeknownst to me still)
she didn't do much of anything for my birthday, and it was my 30th.
She claimed she was going to take me out on a sea charter, as i had been expressing missing going out on the ocean for some time, but she said she couldn't afford it.

I did get some "enthusiastic" sex last year on my birthday, and she really seemed into it. It was probably the only time in 2017 she was enthusiastic about it. I wonder if that was her WW minded equivalent of "Doing something nice" for my birthday last year. It was good though...i still remember the dress she was wearing.

Either way, I think that the birthday factor may be a large source of the emotional buildup over yesterday and today, after having seen her in person (she didnt see me, as i didn't go outside because of the TRO)

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S3 seems to have a lot to say about how he is bored with her a lot, she doesnt sing to him or play with him like she used to. Or at least thats what he says.
I honestly think OM is doing more parenting right now than she is...