Advice on my Scenario Pt. 19 - Valhalla Cometh

[OrangeK]

Likely it is unsatisfactory because they are only giving you enough to try to keep you attached. And that is all they will ever give you.

Life is too short to waste energy on someone that only wants you around as a safety net.

I dont think shes trying to keep me attached at this point. I think that all ended in Jan with the TRO.
Before that happened i would still get "Remeber when" texts, and cute pictures of S3, she was still liking things on my social media, trying to keep me interested and attached, even though i had moved out of our apartment.
Had i not done that, i think the attachment attempts would have continued a lot more aggressively as i would have had access to something she wanted, our home, and a place to store her stuff, and a safe landing pad if OM didn't work out.

I think thats where a lot of her anger came from, me eventually defying her, and setting the boundary of "come home by Dec 1st or I am moving Out"
She tried to call my bluff and not come home, and when i actually did move out, i took away part of her game plan of being plan B.
I was expected to just sit and wait, while keeping her Maritial Household intact and waiting.
That forced her into only having OM as plan A.

Im not wasting energy trying for any renewed or new connection, it just sux when the happy memories bubble up and the realization it was all BS and manipulation is upsetting.

Plus I still battle from time to time with the "I would rather have a damaged relationship where my family is together for S3, than to be separate" mentality.
S3 is talking more and more about how he misses living at "Redhome" and how he misses not seeing Mommy and Daddy together. it breaks my heart.

I struggle a lot over feeling stupid, duped and naive.

I want you all to know my RESOLVE is not at all diminished, and I am still in a MUCH better place.
These emotions do not cripple me anymore, they do not ruin my day, or effect how i deal with other people.

I am not walking around in full blown stormcloud mode.
I just come here to dump the residual negativity as it crops up.

SIL was also gas lighted, manipulated and emotionally abused by WIFE.
She still also gets anxiety in dealing with WIFE.

WIFE's ability to offset people is amazing, all yesterday in the hour leadup to her arriving at our house, the palpable sense of tension was noticeable with myself, SIL and Brother.