Wlf and Davide thank you for your comments and support. Self compassion is definitely something I'm struggling with. I know that I'm a good man and never intentionally did anything to harm my MR or my W. The most difficult part for me is that my W will not communicate nor even want to try and save our relationship. I mean if you "played the whole game" and it fails then at least you tried everything. For W to "walk off the field" in the middle of the 2nd quarter and say she's done...very painful.
Today is the last day for W's trip. I've prayed to God nightly to let me sleep throughout. If I wake up 2am my mind panic attacks me on is she safe, is she with someone, all that stuff. It is very surreal to be home with D, putting her to sleep, doing all of the wonderful father duties while her mother is who knows where, drinking at a bar with other men hitting on her? That behavior is NOT normal. How does it seem that all of my other friends on FB have happy families with wives who want to be mothers, yet my W takes off every month for a week to get away from all responsibility? It's telling to me that instead of a picture of D or W with D, W's profile pic is her laying out at a pool bar. It seems so MLC like...I just don't get it.
The last day of having my D is always SO bittersweet. Throughout the day I constantly tell her I love her, kiss her, admire her. Life is so precious and feeling like I'll miss half of her life in the future...there is no great pain/mental torment I can think of. For those of you who have done this for much longer than myself...PLEASE tell me this gets easier! Have a fun filled last day planned with her. You are all in my prayers. I pray God brings comfort and a positive week to each of you!
