Advice Needed To Deal With WW - Part 3

[Bewas]

My W is dropping off my S tonight for my week with him. I've missed him. I still can't understand how she doesn't think this is going to affect negatively him going forward. It's was always the same from her ..."my parents got divorced and I turned out fine" (yeah...sure you did...) or "lots of kids grow up through divorce" (yeah and have issues throughout life because of it). Oh well, I guess she will do and say whatever in her own mind to justify what she is doing to her family.

My W says the same things. I also get ,"I come from a divorced family. You don't. So you need to trust me that I know what's best for the kids." Really? The majority of her issues stem from her childhood and being neglected/passed around by her parents. Unfortunately our views towards marriage and divorce are different. I have always been pro marriage and anti divorce. She has claimed that because her parents have divorced multiple times, she doesn't want to do that. Before we got married, she mentioned many times that divorce would not be an option for her because she wanted something better than what her parents had and gave her. Yet here we are. Family background has a lot to do with it in my opinion. My parents have been married for 43 years. Her mom, dad, and grandma are all on their third marriages. With that being the example that was set for her, it's no wonder she views marriage as disposable (even though she said the opposite before we got married). It doesn't help that these are the people giving her marriage advice either. When time get tough, instead of encouraging her to work things out, they tell her that she needs to do whatever it takes to be happy...

My W was very much the same in that she said she would always rather work through our problems than divorce. I came from a much more stable upbringing like you. My father passed away when I was a teenager but other than that, there were almost no divorces or other family shakeups on my side of the family that I can think of. When I married my W, it was for life almost no matter what. It would have taken a lot from her to get me to ask for a D. She was always the same before...until the BD and her overnight personality change that is.

One difference with your sitch and mine is that her family have 100% rejected her decision and it has completely blown up in her face due to her recent behavior. They certainly aren't giving her that kind of encouragement or advice. That's a positive I think. Her new friends on the other hand...that's a different story.

Thanks Mtb!