Might have made another dumb life decision, but its over now. Had been planning a vacation with the kids since Jan. I kept telling myself that this would be the last family vacation for the kids ever. I did this for the kids 100%. I made sure they had fun. So I did agree to go camping. It was hard. Had a few arguments etc but nothing to major, as we had agreed to not discuss anything while camping. We mostly stuck to it. We also had arranged "alone" days where one of us would spend time with the kids by ourselves. It mostly worked. She was glued to her phone the entire time, texting her new "friends" the entire time.
My question to the LBH is that if it's 100% for the kids........why does it include the W? I mean, why couldn't the H have a vacation with just his kids.....if it's for their sake?
-Implied vs expressed consent. It was out of province, so if I had excluded her, taken the kids without signed letter, I can be charged with abduction. With her there consent is implied.
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Well as we were driving back she starts by stating I need to watch the kids during the week since she wants to be out with her friends.
I explain I am not built in babysitting. I explain that I dont think the time allotment is close to equal. I say we need a parenting schedule. So I can GAL etc.
And where were the kids during this discussion?
-Asleep in the backseat.
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This opened up a can of worms. We start discussing schedules, custody etc. All I want is some boundries on time.
What do you mean by boundaries on time?
- I dont want last min "events" sprung on me, where she goes out all night and I'm watching the kids all the time. Even when she files it will most likely be joint 50/50 time, which would mean LESS watching of the kids than currently. I'm currently watching them all day sat, sun, and sometimes 2,3,4 nights a week... I'd LOVE a true 50/50 split of time, I dont think she would be able to take it.
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I suspect her EA partner/s want her out more. I cant fully DB if I'm at the house each night doing bedtime.
If you are staying in separate places, you should not be over at her house........period, except to pick up/deliver the kids. Certainly don't stay with them there, while she's out GAL. And, you don't need to be there at bedtime. Sorry, but that is the reality of S/D, and she needs a big taste of it.
- I wish it was separate. Same house. Took your advice, and took MBR. Shes on the couch downstairs.
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Dont get me wrong, I love my time spent with the kids, but this seems unfair. To me its all cake eating. I'm starting to see a life divorced. Where I'm not in pain by seeing her constantly chasing other people. There are so many bad things about divorce that I see, but I'm in that space where I know it wont be my choice, but will have to go on reguardless. I might as well make the best of it.
That's right, and you start by stop saying how things are unfair........even if it is. When a man uses that language, it sounds weak. You may not have a choice about her leaving you or getting a D. But you have a choice about a schedule for keeping the kids. You have a choice about not staying with them so she can be free to run around. You have choices to end some the enabling. You had a choice about not taking her on your family vacation. See what I mean? Stop saying how it's all so unfair, and start making choices where you can. Let her deal with the reality of life without you. ((hugs))
-Thanks Sandi. I am saying some things are completely unfair. It has been for a while. I accept that I enabled it. I thought it was what a "good" H did to help his W work towards her dreams. Now she feels entitled to it. I am fine with 50/50. I do want to end the enabling.
-Had a fight tonight about a schedule. She had planned more events for this week. Mon, Tue, Wed... I said it needed to be equal. Got told I've been a sh!tty H, etc. How I've made her life hell etc... I know some of this is the WW syndrome. But I do feel I've not been the best H, so that one cut deep.
I appreciate the help. This might be too far gone to fix. She has a D mediator lined up... Just feeling a bit hopless, that I havent done enough 180 etc to matter, but it might never be enough...
