The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[lusa]

So, what are your plans at the moment? Do you intend to move back home? Will you be sleeping in the MBR?

My plan is to move back into the family home I have lived in for 15 years. I’m not sure whether it was right to leave in January but I am sure it is right to go back now.

I have given notice on my tenancy so have to be out in the next 3 weeks. I have also given notice to WW that I will be moving back in. This was met with resistance, where I think I held my ground, but it certainly wasn’t agreed to.

It hasn’t been discussed since, except the next day on the phone where WW requested, the next time we discuss “us” should be out of the house as she said d11 had overheard, which I don’t think was true. I wasn’t discussing “us” just informing her I need to move back in. I am in no rush for an R talk, that can happen if and when she’s ready. The problem is she feels any talk of me moving back is tied to an MR discussion/decision so I have realized it is too much pressure to bring it up again. I have stated what I need to do and now feel that is enough.

It has now been nearly two weeks since the discussion without it being mentioned again, even though we have been alone together in the house quite a few times. I feel it’s good she hasn’t initiated a discussion intended to deter me, My plan is to move back in over the next 3 weeks and enjoy spending more time with my kids, fixing my house etc, regardless of what she does.

I have been virtually living there anyway, just not sleeping and waking there and this whole time has been in complete harmony with no pressure or pursuit. I think we both would go so far to say we've been consistently getting on much better than the entire 12 months leading up to BD. I think this is down to my DBing, following the rules, and implementing consistent 180's concerning patience, communication & parental responsibilities. Thanks to so many kind people on this board, i'm in a much better place as a person than I was a few months ago.

I am pretty sure she has gone NC with OM and is dealing with the withdrawal. I certainly won’t initiate an R talk and I'm in no rush for her to. Re transparency, I won’t even mention the word, unless we are at a point where she is really asking what I need from her to rebuild trust and stating that she is willing to do anything necessary. She is leaving her phone out and her pc on much more now and has never been very good at hiding things anyway, so it might not be needed

I realize this is a marathon, and that the mess of the EA needs to be resolved before she can work on releasing her resentment and consider working on our MR. I am ready for this process to take many, many months and won’t be surprised if it doesn’t happen at all. I’ve made my peace with the fact it’s out of my control and she has to make her own decisions on her own journey. I have also dealt with my anger with what’s happened, or for kids sake I wouldn’t be moving back in.

There certainly could be some resistance to me moving back into the MBR. I have a plan to clear some space in the attic, so if necessary I can sleep up there. I would prefer to be in the MBR, especially now I realize how symbolic it is, but I’m not going to die on a hill for it. I will let her have it for now if it’s that important to her, but won’t volunteer that information up front.

I’ll check with a L regarding the legality of me moving back. But I know for a fact if she tries to legally stop me I will properly implement the LRT and go darker on her than I ever have with everything except kids necessities. Me enabling this cake eating in the throne of power has to stop whether I am living there or not.