I guess i dont understand how it is actually possible for her to take kids that you are primary care giver to and leave them with her parents?
Something isnt adding up in your story.
To me, if that was the case, i dont understand why you are not on here consummed with anger about loss of kids. To me that would be the big factor and most immediate issue.
I really dont understand why you are accepting that? Or why that isnt the big ticket item here?
I guess i dont understand how it is actually possible for her to take kids that you are primary care giver to and leave them with her parents?
Something isnt adding up in your story.
To me, if that was the case, i dont understand why you are not on here consummed with anger about loss of kids. To me that would be the big factor and most immediate issue.
I really dont understand why you are accepting that? Or why that isnt the big ticket item here?
I was the main carer when we were together. W has left our home and taken the children with her to live with her parents. W parents are now doing a lot of the childcare, cooking, cleaning etc. W claims that she will allow 50/50 access to the children in future but at the moment she is only allowing me a couple of hours twice a week plus there have been some events lately at the school that we have both been too and W has wanted me to go to them.
I am devestated that I have lost my W, kids and family life. I am trying not to get angry as W might then use that against me as she tried to get me into trouble.
I must warn you ... you only seeing the children for a couple hours a week will not fair well for you in court if it goes that direction. I know it's hard to consider that at this point, but you must. If it takes six months or a year for her to file, that will be a long time for you to only have seen them for only a couple hours a week. There is a clear motive there. You need to change that quickly. In my opinion of course.
She has no right to take the kids like this. You need to act quickly with a lawyer. I mean act yesterday.
Your marriage is over and you need to wake up fast.. because if you do not you are going to get taken advantage of.
Grow a pair and demand more visitation with your kids. To be compliant with her demands is insane and if you think that is divorce busting, you are misinterpreting everything.
Make sure you remain polite, cool, detached. Show nothing emotionally. Do not threaten. But express in writing that this is not acceptable. They are your children. And you need to set up an arrangement sonthat you see them at least 50 percent.
IT IS NOT IN THE CHILDRENS BEST INTEREST TO BE DEPRIVED OF TIME WITH THEIR DAD. So stop worrying about rings and getting your wife back amd start worrying about your kids. Your wife is not working in their best i terest and you need to become a stronger advocate for them.
In most states in the US, if a mom tried to pull that sh!t, she would actually lose custody rights.
I must warn you ... you only seeing the children for a couple hours a week will not fair well for you in court if it goes that direction. I know it's hard to consider that at this point, but you must. If it takes six months or a year for her to file, that will be a long time for you to only have seen them for only a couple hours a week. There is a clear motive there. You need to change that quickly. In my opinion of course.
That is what I thought at first and W may have done too. The limited hours are not my choice.
However, W isn't capable of looking after the kids on her own for long due to her job and she really doesn't like housework, cooking etc. (I used to do nearly all of it). I know that W's parents get very tired doing childcare and are in their 70s. It is the school holidays soon so W's parents will be doing even more childcare for weeks.
It is W parents second home and would probably rather be at their main house a very long distance away. I doubt W and I would have split-up if their empty second home hadn't been very near to our family home. It was very easy for W to move-out rather than sort out any M issues.
I know that W's parents have encouraged her to leave me since we met 25 years ago, and are probably telling her what moves to make for a D. I think that is why W was hiding money in cash in their house in advance of a D whilst W and I were still together.
However, they might now also suspect that W might be having or had A. Also if W is having an A, she won't want her parents to know and so likely want her parents to move back out to their main house far away.
W last legal letter said that the limited access arrangements had gone well and that W would like to extend them. W is now starting to want my help more with childcare.
I think W wants her cake and eat it with me going back to doing a lot of the childcare revolving around her, then her parents will be off, and W will then have a lot of free time.
W left saying that she didn't respect me nor love me. I think she was resentful of me looking after the kids so much. She didn't value what I did. I think it would do her good if she tried it for a while. She might then regain some respect for me... or perhaps not.
A) A month ago we arranged to meet with the kids in a park and she had a work friend in attendance. The friend and I got along well and the friend kindly offered me a lift home. W didn't look happy about that!
The friend gave me a lift home and we talked when she stopped the car. W phoned her and she ignored the call. I got out of the car and noticed that W was parked hidden around the corner. W was spying on us. W very quickly turned the car and drove away. I waved.
B) We went together for a family meal and W had a different friend in attendance. Her friend gave me a hug and kiss when we met.
During the meal I realised that W didn't know the name of her friend. However, I knew it because the friend had given me her phone number when she heard that W and I were splitting-up. W was stunned that I knew her friend's name but W had forgotten it herself.
W hasn't got any very close friends as she never bothered to socialise much when we were together. If she had an A then she wouldn't have told anyone as I know nearly all of the people that she knows, so an A would have been someone via her job.
C) A local woman gave me some lovely compliments like my W hasn't said to me in years. W found out and then swapped phone numbers with her.
D) W knows that a young woman made me a meal and brought it to the house and has offered to do some gardening for me. W doesn't know who it is but has asked me a few times if she has done any gardening yet and said that she might be ideal for me. That is W being a bit jealous.
E) At a school event, W recently got out her mobile phone and 'acted' as if she was being very highly secretive not wanting anyone to see what she was doing.
However, I could tell that W wasn't really doing anything secretive on her phone, I could see she was just looking at photos of the children and deleting some as her phone was running out of memory space. She was certainly 'over-acting' that she was doing something very secretive, and yet I knew there was no reason to be.
It was like she was deliberately trying to make me paranoid or jealous, or perhaps she was trying to mislead me that her past secretive behaviour was nothing.
I am living in the family home where the children have lived all their lives (until W left with them 2 months ago), I have been their main carer, I work from home, my working hours revolved around the children, and W took the children without my consent.
In contrast, W has taken the kids away from their home, her job isn't very flexible, and she hasn't looked after them much or the home. She is now reliant upon her elderly parents for childcare etc.
I had to delay things as W tried to get me into trouble which could have made me look bad for childcare access and divorce. She has now failed in that attempt so I can now move forwards when I want. I am certain that her parents are the driving force behind what W is doing.
I live in the UK and the system for gaining childcare access is very slow. At the end of it, the penalties are tiny if a parent doesn't comply and you have to keep going back to court.
I met someone a few weeks ago. He had overheard me asking W for greater access to the children. Afterwards, he said he wouldn't have been that calm and cool speaking to W and said how I spoke to her was amazing. He said he has been going through the same issue and it has taken 4 years so far with little progress and it has cost him a fortune.
The best way to solve this problem is for W and I to get back together. If I don't agree to a D then it can take 5 years. If I stay in the family home then I might be able to stay in it for 10 years to provide the kids with somewhere to stay when with me.
I have been through 2 months of utter hell and it is tough to get through each day. The lovely W I knew is now awful. I hope that she will realise the wrong she has done and want to put it right but I don't think she will for a while because of pressure from her parents and she is so stubborn.
Hi David I’m in the U.K. too and going through a similar-ish situation Your wife has no right to take the children, my solicitor advised me that as my wife is making the move for D and also looking for a house, it is totally in our children’s Best interests to stay in the family home. My W has turned from a kind loving woman who I’ve been married to for 11 years, to an absolute monster in just six weeks, including the past four months spent in a well known London psychiatric hospital, where she was treated for anxiety and depression. She was discharged yesterday and ive stupidly let her stay in the MBR until she finds a house to rent.
I hope we can support each other during this absolutely awful experience Best
Me:48 W:43, Kids:S19, S17, S10, S8 M:10 years BD:06-18-2018
Hi David I’m in the U.K. too and going through a similar-ish situation Your wife has no right to take the children, my solicitor advised me that as my wife is making the move for D and also looking for a house, it is totally in our children’s Best interests to stay in the family home. My W has turned from a kind loving woman who I’ve been married to for 11 years, to an absolute monster in just six weeks, including the past four months spent in a well known London psychiatric hospital, where she was treated for anxiety and depression. She was discharged yesterday and ive stupidly let her stay in the MBR until she finds a house to rent.
I hope we can support each other during this absolutely awful experience Best
Hi Herbie, yes it would be great to support each other. It would be good if we could contact privately. I would like more details on the advice about the kids staying in the family home and how to go about it. In addition, that might wake-up my W.
