Her actions say she is trying on this relationship with Gordie again but is not yet committed to it
I think you've got this exactly correct albeit perhaps more optimistic than I am from the outside with my limited knowledge.
Now keep in mind that I'm pretty cynical. To me it would appear that she is expecting you to do all the work in repairing a marriage that she doesn't want to give up because it's comfortable and respectable. Again - without specific knowledge, it does look like you are Plan B that she's currently parked at. If a nice Plan A wandered across her field of vision she may be off with the fairies again.
I haven't read you posting anything about her having regrets or remorse other than when she got a dose of reality when you were one foot out the door. That scared her into thinking that she was stuck with her choices. Choices that would have not been as comfortable as what she wanted.
There's a concept called "branch swinging" where you don't give up what you have until you are certain of a good landing spot. In my case I pushed my now ex off but in such a wimpy way that she may well think that I am still a Plan B but she chose go keep chasing after OM (still hasn't caught him yet). Your W is standing on branch Gordie but still has the rope in her hand to swing off I believe.
Just before she moved out my ex was horrified and outraged when she thought I was giving her an ultimatum him or me. She actually threw her wedding rings at me but then quickly put them on again when I backed down. I would imagine your own W would react similarly if you were to do the same. She still left.
You've got a lot of sunk costs both practically and emotionally and it's tough to throw that away.
In many ways you are doing what is "right". Not because it is effective but because it in sync with your own moral compass. Theoretically you could indeed do this forever. But I personally still do believe that if a high value target comes into sight that she'll be gone again.
I wish I knew what to advise you that would both be helpful and also in tune with your own beliefs. I believe you are getting some IRL help - what do they counsel?
#TeamGordie
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
