Might have made another dumb life decision, but its over now. Had been planning a vacation with the kids since Jan. I kept telling myself that this would be the last family vacation for the kids ever. I did this for the kids 100%. I made sure they had fun. So I did agree to go camping. It was hard. Had a few arguments etc but nothing to major, as we had agreed to not discuss anything while camping. We mostly stuck to it. We also had arranged "alone" days where one of us would spend time with the kids by ourselves. It mostly worked. She was glued to her phone the entire time, texting her new "friends" the entire time.
My question to the LBH is that if it's 100% for the kids........why does it include the W? I mean, why couldn't the H have a vacation with just his kids.....if it's for their sake?
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Well as we were driving back she starts by stating I need to watch the kids during the week since she wants to be out with her friends.
I explain I am not built in babysitting. I explain that I dont think the time allotment is close to equal. I say we need a parenting schedule. So I can GAL etc.
And where were the kids during this discussion?
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This opened up a can of worms. We start discussing schedules, custody etc. All I want is some boundries on time.
What do you mean by boundaries on time?
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I suspect her EA partner/s want her out more. I cant fully DB if I'm at the house each night doing bedtime.
If you are staying in separate places, you should not be over at her house........period, except to pick up/deliver the kids. Certainly don't stay with them there, while she's out GAL. And, you don't need to be there at bedtime. Sorry, but that is the reality of S/D, and she needs a big taste of it.
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Dont get me wrong, I love my time spent with the kids, but this seems unfair. To me its all cake eating. I'm starting to see a life divorced. Where I'm not in pain by seeing her constantly chasing other people. There are so many bad things about divorce that I see, but I'm in that space where I know it wont be my choice, but will have to go on reguardless. I might as well make the best of it.
That's right, and you start by stop saying how things are unfair........even if it is. When a man uses that language, it sounds weak. You may not have a choice about her leaving you or getting a D. But you have a choice about a schedule for keeping the kids. You have a choice about not staying with them so she can be free to run around. You have choices to end some the enabling. You had a choice about not taking her on your family vacation. See what I mean? Stop saying how it's all so unfair, and start making choices where you can. Let her deal with the reality of life without you. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
