The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[sandi2]

So, what are your plans at the moment? Do you intend to move back home? Will you be sleeping in the MBR?

If you intend to march back into the house, claim the MBR, and expect her to be transparent.......I think you will be faced with great opposition. With that said, I want you to understand that I am not opposed to the idea of a man going back to his house and rightfully claiming what is his. I am just saying that if his WW is not ready for him to return, he is in for a battle of wills.

Based on the stories I can recall where the H reclaimed his position in the home, the WW did not go down without a fight. You see, when the H agrees to leave the home at his WW's request, I believe she thinks that is the biggest step in her plan to gain freedom (getting the H out of the home). It is especially nice for her when the H is so willing to run her errands, do odd jobs around the house, chauffeur the kids, and then go back to his designated place at the end of the day. That is a lot of yummy cake for a WW! She sees herself holding the reigns of power in this relationship. If she decides to D, she already has the H out of the house, so the next step is just signing paperwork. If her affair doesn't gain speed, then she can keep the H at arms length, and still get served cake. She has the benefits from being legally M, and gets the affair partner on the side. So, if the H moves back home without her agreement, it really upsets her playhouse.

You cannot force transparency. A transparency plans requires the agreement & cooperation of a W who is willing to do whatever is necessary to save the M. If she has not agreed to end her affair and go NC with OM.......then the H would be setting himself up to look rather ridiculous, by laying out a plan of transparency for her. There is no way she's going to be transparent, when she's not willing to end the A and work on her M.

If the H tries to reclaim the MBR, the W may physically fight him, or she may call the police. We hear more & more of this type of WW reaction when the H tries to force his way back into the MBR, or force her to leave it. So, think carefully about the hill you want to die on.

Know the law. If you have a lawyer, check to make sure of your rights before you try to physically move your things into the house. There are some crazy laws, so don't assume you can do whatever you want, just b/c your name is on the mortgage. You don't want to be arrested for trying to enter your own house.

So, every man has to decide what is best for him. If he goes back to the house, he should not be navieve and expect his WW to be happy about it. I don't suggest he move his things back into the house without telling her, b/c that pretty much begs for war to break out. Also, if he has to sleep in a separate bedroom, he needs to weigh those options and determine if he is gaining or losing ground by moving back. I'm just saying he needs to think before leaping.