Been doing some thinking and I am glad to say, my anxiety as subsided, for a few reasons. I am getting to know how he is. He has his kids this weekend, and he puts 100% focus there, and I will not hear from him. I am ok with that. I am away next week, he is away for the weekend, and it will be week and a half until I see him.
We spoke about what's going on with us a little. My cuz is giving us sh!t about our earlier sexual activity. We are on the same page, we don't feel earlier or later makes a difference in what's going on here. I basically said, "Whatever it is we have going on here, I like it, and all that matters is we are on the same page". he agrees.
I have walls up, and so does he. I realize he is just exploring this becoming a divorced father thing. He showed me this article about becoming the best guy you can be after becoming a divorced man. he is taking the time to make his new status as divorced single father work for him and to become the man he wants to be. I admire it.
I also realize that he cannot give himself to me in any other way than he is right now (dating, fun, sex) while he goes through this. I am in another situation that has an end date. Knowing that, I think I have built the proper walls this time. If we were ever to get together for real, I think that it would be after we parted ways for a while.
So, I like him, we have fun, we are attracted to each other. I can only take each date for face value.
So, in a different front in my life..... I really had the biggest challenge of my job thus far. I was alone, then the crazy social worker ditched me and also left her job to me, where she made a big mess up and I had to fix it. I was actually fixing everything, doing the work of three people. The good part? I earned the respect of my colleagues. I deal witht he 3 doctors, but the doctor I work with the most on my floor said to me " You are wearing so many hats this week, that if me and all doctors weren't here for whatever reason, we think you could do our jobs too". That meant a lot to hear. Of course no praise from my direct managers, but the therapists I was helping and everyone else on the team did express their respect and thanks for my hard work.
I couldn't do it all, I was over extended and worked too many hours, and I left more work than I wanted to for my counterpart. I thought for about 5 min I might go ina nd take care of it, and then I said "nahhhhh"
My baby comes home tonight. I have missed her so. My dad and stepmom come tomorrow night, I am grlling for everyone, then we leave for Niagara bright and early Tuesday morning. We have reservations at 2 amazing restuarants. And we might go ziplining! We need to convince D10 to do it. I am looking forward to our mini vacation. I have been missing my baby hard core.
