When my w introduced on2 to the kids it broke my heart
I literally felt the pain in my body as well as my spirit
The pain was good in that it is what made me finally let go
And while there is no right answer on what you should specifically be doing or not doing I suggest that you follow your conscience
For me my conscience told me to stop doing anything for her at all even if it helped the kids because it hurt me too much so I stopped completely
Only you know what is right for you but fixing her car no I could no longer do that
Thank you Gordie. I am going to try to only do things directly for the kids here out. this may be a difficult balance.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
{{{{{{{Kyh}}}}}}}
Wow that's a lot to take in my friend.
So let's separate out the various threads. There is the obvious and real hurt from OM3. Feel your feelings and then let them go to the best of your ability. This isn't easy.
Then there's the more troubling thread to me, which is that whether consciously or unconsciously she has the kids as a reason to keep you enabling her.
Only you can determine what you feel comfortable doing here. The faster she has to either take care of herself or fall on her face, the faster she will possibly get the help she obviously needs.
I would consider giving her a specific time frame for taking her car off your policy, say three months. That gives her enough time to plan. Then you'd have to absolutely follow through.
If she can't take care of the kids should she in fact have 50/50? Only you know what's right there.
I forget how old the kids are so I'm not sure how much longer you have to deal with her, but isn't your youngest 7 or so?
Protect yourself. That's how you can best protect your children. And no, your next GF won't be sleeping in her ex's bed, I think that's clear to all of us.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
xoxoxoxoxo
Thanks buttrfly. Yes, feeling this and letting it go! I have no room to carry these feelings/energy with me.
It is troubling that I am enabling her through the kids. ive been thinking about this and idk, I guess I need to make sure their needs are met, stay detached, and leave it at that.
I haven't said anything yet to her about anything but thank you for suggesting 3 months. No sense making the situation worse.
D is 8 and S is 9 so I've got awhile to deal w her. It also severely limits my job opportunities although I may be able to commute a town over once the kids are a little older.
Not much going on just enjoying the kiddos. I did find another single parent meetup that started last week so hopefully that will help w gal. The last one I mentioned joining closed abruptly and didn't organize much.
Xw texted a couple times a few days after telling me. She was being friendly and I try to be nice but short which upsets her. She texted she had some gluten free bread she bought s but he didn't like it and that it was good and asked if I wanted it. I told her if she liked it she should keep it but thanks. Then I got a nasty reply I didn't respond to. Then an apology. I replied thanks and then she told me not to be short w her. She was better this weekend but I kept my texts minimal.
