V, LW, Maika and Nicole, thank you. It is hard to see that any good can come out of this catastrophe but the worst that can happen is D and a broken home for my children, so I guess i have to slowly move towards accepting it at this time. Weekends are the worst since we live under the same roof. WAH has been buying stuff for his new apartment, ordering and buying furniture and even asked me what brand of paper towels I buy, I smiled and gave the answer, my insides were on fire. SIL and he are discussing what else they need to buy for the new place, this is one special person leaving his wife and kids behind and moving out with his sis. I want to understand that he is in turmoil, he is hurting and is behaving irrationally but that is getting harder to do. A colleague apparently commented to H about how MR is hard, he asked me if I am sharing the info with others I said absolutely not and it is too private and I should be able to decide when I want to share it especially with people I work with. I was vehement he seemed calm during this, just said he was not upset even if I was sharing but obviously I am not going to run around telling people the chronicles of WAH mania.I realize my 180 here would have been to stay calm but I missed it, well self love, I at least am in a place where I analyze my behavior and know where I make mistakes. There is a part of me that strongly believes WAH will be back, I KNOW it. There is a part of me that knows he is being mental and unpredictable so he cannot be trusted. The other part of me has started seeing I do not deserve this and he does not deserve me the way he is. All stages of the LBS I guess, our sub conscious preparing us to face the eventualities.
