Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

Sigh. Today was a tough day for me. I regret not going to sleep earlier last night. Too little sleep always makes me more defensive and irritable, and weak when interacting with W. I met her today to transfer son to my care (i hate talking about my son like that as if he's some piece of property, but I don't know what else to say). She was a half hour late because of traffic. I used the time to clean out my car a bit (spent a lot of time already this past week cleaning out the mess she left behind in it). On my way to the meeting I called MIL to clear the air about the move-out day and how I felt I was not given the autonomy to make my own decisions about seeking support for myself that day. I also talked to FIL last night about same. So that's all fine now. I told them I appreciated their concern and want to maintain a good relationship with them, and that in the future I would prefer direct communication with me and for them to ask me if I need anything and let me decide for myself.

So when W showed up, son was sleeping in the car and when he woke up he was acting angry. He asked if they had to live at grandma's house again next week, sounding like he really didn't want to. W said something like she was sorry there was nothing that could be changed about that right now. I hope I didn't actually roll my eyes at that. Son didn't want to give her a hug goodbye or let her touch him, backing away into me instead. That was strange to me. He didn't really want to talk to me either though. It was really sad for me to see him angry like this. W has been telling me he's been angry a lot more lately.

I told W I closed the one account with $60 in it and asked if she wanted half the cash. She declined it. I asked her if she wanted the $10 I owed her still from the car sale and she did accept that. She asked who was paying the credit cards and I said I would pay them one last time. She said "then we're just not going to pay them anymore!?" I said I wasn't going to be putting any more expenses on the joint card, so it would be up to her to pay it. She sighed and said "ok I guess."

W asked me if I would watch son next week during a couple of doctor appointments she has near our house. I had been doing this a lot before she moved out, and I thought I should take any time offered with son, so I agreed. I wish I had told her I would have to get back to her on it after checking my schedule.

Then I put son in his car seat to leave. I saw W immediately call somebody on her phone. That phone call made me wonder a lot. Who she was talking to, was she reporting what I had just told her, or making plans with OM? And I don't like that I am worrying about one little phone call so much like that. We started driving away and then son wanted to say goodbye to mom. So I pulled over and flagged down W to stop so he could say goodbye. Then we left.

Later I realized I might be a reserve juror next week. I had received a summons about a month ago that summoned me for this week, but I asked for and was granted a postponement because this week was the week my thesis was due for the summer term. I didn't meet that deadline like I wanted to (I've been distracted, can you guess by what!?). I thought I postponed it for only one week, but I can't find any documentation that confirms a new date. Just an email that said I would receive a new summons. Well I don't recall receiving a new summons, but if it is next week that could conflict with the times I just said I could watch our son for W's appointments. So I caved and called W to ask if she had seen any new summons come in the mail. She'd been bringing in the mail the last week or two before she moved out, and we hadn't been speaking much at all during that time.

She answered the phone on the first ring, and sounded cheerful. She said she hadn't seen it but I should check all the mail piles. Then she said she was "kind of working right now and have to take care of some people." okayyy...bye. Then I was feeling angry thinking she got a job without telling me and probably never planned to but still was going to let me continue paying for her life. I've had my interviews on the calendar and she hasn't asked me about them once. I snapped at my son shortly after about something I don't think I would have if I hadn't called W (and stayed up too late last night). Son didn't want to talk to me for a while after that either. It took some time but I made sure to repair with him.

I took son to a church festival in the evening and we had a lot of fun. I spent a lot of cash I normally wouldn't in the past. Old me would have taken son into the church to drink from the water fountain instead of paying $1.50 for a water bottle. Today I bought the water bottle. It was refreshing. Another fun couple of days with son ahead, but I'm still worried about the jury duty thing. I haven't been able to figure out when my new summons date is or if I was even given one, and I am upset that it is going to take more time out of my weekend with son to figure out, if I even can figure it out.

Overall, today feels like I made a lot of mistakes and I'm feeling down about it. I think I need to focus on some positives. Best thing today was having fun with my son at the festival. I'm thankful for that.