You have been telling me all along to detach and work on myself. Although i struggled mightedly in the beginning, ive really gotten much better. My question is about setting boundaries? I cant live in an open marriage. Nothing has changed since i showed her proof of the affair. Not only does she still deny(dont know how she can) but she continues to sit on her phone and communicate with him everyday. Not to mention she works with him. How can i naviaget this so im not a doormat?
Well first, you have to be honest with yourself and know what you can control and what you can't. Here's the thing.....your boundary doesn't mean a thing to her. It has no control over her. If she doesn't honor the MR, then she's probably not going to honor your boundary......unless she suffers some type of consequences for disrespecting that boundary. That's where your action comes into play. Therefore, what can you do as a result of her not honoring your boundary of no open MR? Well, I listed several suggestions in my first thread on help for the LBH who has a WW. Sometime they work with some WW's and sometimes they don't. Too many H's wait too long before they start using action. And truth be known, some women go crazy, and the H has to protect himself from a worse situation....if you get my meaning.
Once she's out the door.....there's not a lot you can do about her lack of respect for the M. Once the WW is no longer sharing your roof, you can crow all day long that you won't live in an open marriage, but the question is, what can you do about it? If you are already physically separated, it dramatically narrows down the options. See what I mean? People have their own views about separation. Some believe it frees you to date, and others don't. She's going to see OM or date, regardless of your views about it. It goes back to what action is left for you to do. You can't go talk to her and tell her, again, that you won't live in an open M. She would only see you as a fool. It would do no good to show her proof of the A, b/c she has left you. She doesn't care! See what I mean? These tactics don't work. So, you tell me.....what action can you take to protect your boundary of not living in an open M?
Is she still living in the house with you? I was under the impression she was moving out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
