Advice on my Scenario Pt. 18 - Nunquam Iterum

[OrangeK]

I think this is good.

I started with "WIFE, "

And sat here for a good 5 min trying to start a "NEVER-SEND" letter to WIFE,
and i couldn't come up with anything.

I dont have anything left to say to her, that i havent already said or have deemed useless to say.

I could easily draft a letter ranting and raving at her.
Calling her a liar, and a cheat, and a deceptive predator.
She would just enjoy the negative attention (hypothetically, as i would never send the letter i couldnt write ), and all that would do for me is stir up negative emotions and leave me with angry questions that lack answers, or have answers she will never give me.
No profit there.

I could also write a letter from the perspective of the loving, wounded, betrayed husband.
I could outline how she betrayed me, how we both know what she lied about and why.
I could talk about the good times, and ask "WHy did you throw it away"
She doesnt know that herself, so its again pointless to ask.
It would be a weak, NGS letter filled with veiled pursuit and Oozing with Beta Male subservience.
All that would do is make me depressed and (again hypothetically) she would just view it as weakness and it would show she still has her hooks in me.
No profit there either.

I could also write a letter saying that I know who and what she is, i dont hate her, i pity her.
I will not be a cuck, or a friend, I have boundaries and she needs to respect them.
That i know she is damaged and that what she did is a pattern, and part of a PD, and ultimately not her fault.
That would be disarming. It would alleviate her needing to take responsibility for her actions (which will never happen anyway) and basically gives her a get out of jail free card because she can claim its not her fault.
A good friend of mine went through MUCH WORSE trauma as a child, and she is self-aware and activley in mental health. She is well rounded and owns her disorders, and manages them.
WIFE's PD, past, history and trauma is NO EXCUSE for how she acted and what she did.
A mature adult would have recognized the self-destructive patterns she participates in and would have sought help by now.
NO PROFIT TO BE HAD HERE EITHER.

I know why she did this. Its what she always does.
I know why she lied.
I know why she hid the pregnancy.
I know she cheated and talked to men behind my back.
I know she has never been honest with anyone her whole life, even herself.
I know she doesn't care, never loved me and is incapable of ever loving anyone.

I dont have questions anymore.
I dont have any points to make to her, or rants i want to berate her with,

Will i still miss her sometimes? Probably.
Will i still recall the good times as good. Yes.
Are there aspects of her personality i will always like? Yes.
Is she beautiful? Yes.
Is she worth my time? No.
Do is deserve better? Yes
Will a time come where she wants to talk, and has things to say and share with me?
Likely, but im not holding my breath,
Will she regret her decisions? I have no clue.
Would it change anything if she did? NO.

Do i value myself, and think I am a good man? Yes
Do i have things to work on personally? Yes
Am i still healing? Totally.
Will it take time? Hell yes.

I did my best.
I was a good husband. Despite being painted as a physically and emotionally abusive, non-supportive jerk. I am not and i was not. I know that as much as she tries to lie to me, and herself, about what caused this and who was in the wrong, she knows the truth. It likely haunts her, as it should.
One more deed to add to her list of reasons for self loathing.