Interesting conversation here. I do wonder if there's anyone who has been able to instantly detach and perfectly follow all of the DB rules? It seems to be a process and during that time then sure, the one who walks away will lose respect for their left behind spouse because they no longer want to be bothered, but the one who is left behind is struggling to make sense of it all. DB does provide a good clear roadmap towards becoming a person that could re-attract the one who walks away, but just like everything it takes time and practice.
My self-esteem is also lower now than it used to be. I feel confident about who I am as a person, about my skills, about being a parent, and about my career but now suddenly I turned 40, I have a young child, and I haven't even remotely tried socializing with single men in over a decade (and never dated back in my teens or 20's). I have a lot more physical flaws now than before I met my husband. I'm under-weight, have lines around my eyes, imperfection on my nose, dry skin, mild eczema etc... I live in an area where most people are wealthy, successful, and attractive so all around are people who are physically perfect looking. It's hard to believe that someone who I believe is attractive (and my husband is really attractive) will be attracted to me now. I do feel sad about that. I dress conservatively and don't exactly advertise myself in a way that would gauge men's interest especially given my daughter is usually the first person anyone will notice. I don't really know what the solution is. I wish maybe one day down-the-road I'd be surprise just meet someone out-of-the-blue where there'd be mutual chemistry. Otherwise I try to remember that someday, when I die, few will judge me based on makeup or plastic surgery or skimpy clothing but rather by who I was as a person and what I contributed to others' lives. I try to remember that I want to be a good role model for my daughter and be respectful to myself and I probably have no choice but to accept my physical flaws unless I want to do a lot of plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures. It is hard though when I see pictures of the women my husband has dated during the times we've been separated which were all too easy to find. He goes for the perfect model porn-star type and I'm just not that.
