Introduction

[TJT]

I think you know a lot of your behavior was heavy pursuit as when you described it you mentioned not having read DR yet, so I think you probably already know this, but stop the pursuit immediately.

YES. 100% I realize this. I do feel like I caught it early and even at the time I knew it wasn't the right thing to do but was just such an emotional reaction that almost couldn't be stopped...so hoping it didn't do TOO much damage and being really mindful to control myself or find another outlet if I'm feeling that way again...

You mentioned doing a 180 on not showing him love, NO do NOT do that right now. It will just drive him farther away. You can't fix that right now. Detach, get out, GAL, work on yourself, leave him alone. Don't initiate any R talks EVER!

That's reassuring, and what I feel most comfortable/confident with doing when I step back and think about it. Definitely avoiding any R talks, although that has posed a challenge for me in how I can set certain boundaries (like with intimacy...) if I don't want to bring up, for example, that sometimes it's confusing when he wants to be intimate given the situation at hand (and the fact that there are little to no other displays of affection aside from that).

Instead I have just repositioned in my head that he doesn't see sex the same way right now, and that the expectation in this moment is sex being more of a primal need, I guess, vs. other displays of affection that I might desperately want.

Of course, as Steve has pointed out, I then ask myself if that's just enabling him to continue being flippant without "consequences", but I have a hard time "witholding" it especially while we're just in limbo and he doesn't seem to be taking any other actions on what he's said in terms of physically separating. Taking it as the gift of time as I've heard folks mention multiple times on these threads, and also trying to ignore any assumptions about his intent (like him just being an a$$ and taking advantage) since we can seemingly never know what's really going on. At the end of it all I figure that's something HE would have to live with, knowing he did that to me without ever intending to stay (if it ends up that way).