The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[lusa]

It's been 10 days since this conversation and we've been acting normally with each other. I have taken this as a good thing because I need to move back in and I would prefer to do it without any grief from her or attempts to stop me.

Apart from the EA, there hasn't been any disrespectful behaviour from her since shortly after BD. She knows I won't tolerate disrespecful behaviour or an ongoing affair, as I never have. She has been as careful as she can to hide the EA from me, which hasn't been too hard for her whilst we've been separated.

I am trying not to snoop but have found a piece of paper when putting the trash out yesterday. It seems to be notes she has written before a conversation with OM. This could have been written 6 weeks ago or 6 days ago.

It's not too legible but states something along the lines of:

Yes talking to me does not help
What we did was wrong, should not
We (you) need to step back for a good long time
Enough we need to stop
and I agree that yes I know its true, you're fine, this just needs to stop
stop worrying now and go and write your book.
It was timeless, unstoppable, overwhelming, beautiful, never wrong, funny, was so good.

First note I've seen like this since one written in March stating

"Have you done anything we spoke about yesterday, I've been baking cakes with S13 and D10. I'm trying, trying to distract myself from you"

I am doing my best not to mindread this, but it does look like she has started to come to her senses / feel guilty / do the right thing and at least attempt to end the EA. I have read every single thread on here for months now and I feel I know what needs to happen before we can attempt R. I know where my boundaries are and I am in no rush to initiate an R talk. If and when she does initiate an R talk I know what i'll need from her to consider us trying.

I don't feel any urgency anymore, my feelings swing from mild anger to apathy with the situation, much more apathy than anger now. She can no longer hurt me any further as the damage has already been done, I don't know if she has it in her to work on her resentment and eventually feel remorse for what she's done. I also don't know if she'll be able to admit her EA, be honest about it and cooperate in a transparency plan. The great thing for me is I regularly feel that I just don't care anymore.