I really would have liked to have an adult conversation with her about what went wrong in our M so I could at least have a focus of what to work on for future R but she never took me up on my offer for this discussion and instead has just ran away and cut herself off from everything we shared the last 12 years...
I think you may be seeking closure from her. I don't think she will give it by means of an adult conversation. Therefore, you must seek closure within yourself. Don't depend upon her to do it.
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I know the self-improvement is for me and me alone and not to win back my wife but I'm struggling to picture how this doesn't end with us being apart..
Any thoughts on how I can retain even the smallest sliver of hope for the two of us finding a way to come out of this on the other side together? Thank-you
Here I go again, giving you my honest opinion.....and you may not want to hear it. I think it is highly unlikely she'll stop the D. She needs time and space to figure herself out, work through her childhood issues, and decide what she really wants and what really makes her happy. So, you may be looking at least a couple of years, maybe longer. If she decides she wants to find you.....I'll bet she can. In the meantime, you will be a free man. How will you live your life? Will you watch your phone everyday to see if she has texted? Will you check out FB? Call old friends to hear what's going on? I hope you can grieve over the loss and then let it go and move forward living your life without watching your phone.
Yes, the improvements are for you. Unfortunately, you still want her to see them. But one day you will decide you deserve the improvements for yourself, b/c that's the type of man you want to be. One day you will stop making everything about her.
She may look you up one day just to chat. She may find someone else. It happens. Some D couples do get back together and get M again. Whatever happens, your life will go on. I hope you will learn that your happiness comes from within yourself, not some other person or a relationship. (((hugs)))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
