WAW - Managing Limbo Period Pt 2

[SteveLW]

Given your BD was only 6 or 7 months ago, it seems you and your W have made a lot of positive progress in quite a short time. How long was it before you felt she was turning after the start of MC?

Just to be clear we are going on 8 months since BD. We started MC in late January. it took about 4 or 5 sessions before she started to talk and act like she was all in for working on the MC. Before then she seemed like she was still on the fence and not sure if the MR was what she wanted or if she wanted out. It was very gradual though, almost imperceptible. It wasn't until our first session after a marriage retreat about 2 months in that she told the MC she was leaning towards staying in the MR. (Sorry if I repeat myself, I lose track of what posters I tell what.)

What should I look out for to indicate my W might be turning a corner?

It is the small things. The hand on your back, or sitting close. Sleeping close is a huge one. I think it is AS and I have talked about the "edge of the bed hover" that WAWs are capable of. Where they are so far to the edge of the bed it is as if they are hovering over the floor. That was my W completely. When she moved back to the middle of the bed was when I knew things were getting better.

And do you have any views on how long to wait (or what relationship milestone to hit) before thinking about her return to the MBR?

I agree fully with V. You aren't in R unless you are sleeping together in the MBR. It is impossible to rekindle intimacy sleeping in separate beds. It is imperative that that step be rectified IF any meaningful progress is to be made. Note, that doesn't mean you can't start MC without. Please don't misinterpret that. MC can begin before R and piecing. In fact, MC can be a valuable tool, with the right MC, to moving things back in the right direction.