Rather than panic and stress, and then try and put yourself on a more constructive path.
focus22,
Yes, I like what you said.
There are some things we can control and a lot of things we can't control. I think we often get caught in a cycle of worry and dread, wishing certain things hadn't happened and wanting other things to happen. But, that's not a very useful or adaptive attitude. You've got to embrace what you have in front of you and make the best of it. So yes, I agree with your statement,'what opportunities does this throw up for me'.
My divorce was terrible, but at the same time it was an opportunity for some much needed personal growth.
Thank you doodler. I need to keep reminding myself of this, so that it becomes my default setting so to speak. I'm a bit...well, I **was** a bit...of a worrier in my past life. Caught myself and corrected myself there
Yeah, I think I know where I learnt that from. It's fine though, I don't want to dredge that up and rehash it. I feel like I've done a lot of that over the past few years (maybe even longer). Time to look to the future now.
I've not been feeling to great physically this past week or two, but I think I'm on the mend now.
We're coming up for a year and a half being together, and we're starting to chat a little about the future. No firm decisions as yet, just a few vague ideas and plans for now.
It's very a lovely thing to be carefully and consciously thinking how things might be together. And also to feel that the other person wants this too. Actually, I've very deliberately waited to see how things would unfold between us, deliberately made time to see how we fitted together, how he dealt with any of the things that might come up, both in his own life, with work and his children and with our life. Not a test, not at all, but more of a wanting to see if this is someone that I could negotiate with.
Thinking back to when I was younger, I remember being very caught up in it all, the plans for the future, and only being dimly aware that my now XH perhaps didn't want it all quite as much as I did. I mean, I didn't force him, but he maybe just 'went along with it' a little bit. That was certainly a big part of his character. Perhaps that's where the seeds of all the later unravelling lay?
I think I didn't really feel there was much dialogue and negotiation from and with him, not really ever. It was more like one of us decided something and the other just went along with it. I'm really speaking about some of the big things in life here as much about the smallest things. I don't think we ever had a partnership really. We were maybe good with chatting about work and creativity, and understanding those sides of each other's personalities. Those were/are both pretty massive aspects of who we were/are. But not much of a partnership.
I'm starting to really understand, in the pit of my stomach, what it feels like to have a partnership with someone. And flipping hell, it's incredible. I've never felt that before, I know that for sure. Perhaps I never really allowed myself to explore that before, mainly because I didn't really feel that I could trust my XH. From very early on, I felt I was pushed into the role of being the one that looked after things...all the things he didn't want to do (which was everything practical in life). And perhaps he picked up on that feeling? Who knows...and no matter.
But yes, partnership...wow, what a beautiful revelation.
And I think on his part, he's never had someone pay him attention. He's very quiet and unassuming, and very gentle. He shows his love by giving people the freedom to be who they are and supporting them very consistently in this (he's exactly this way with his children). He's an introvert, and would feel very uncomfortable being the centre of attention. So I think it's easy for other people to end up pushing him aside in their desire/need to do their own thing.
I think for him the journey might be to explore those sides of his character that he's never explored in the past, or had the chance of exploring as he was busy bringing up a family and supporting his XW's career. As, funnily enough, the journey is for me too. We're really very much mirror images of each other...
