Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

Ok I'm back! I had a job interview yesterday that went really well I think. I would take the job if I get an offer. It's back in my home state (where W is now) and would be a two-hour commute by train each way until I move.

Steve, I find myself disagreeing with about half of what you wrote, but I think I disagree more with your judgments about my situation than the recommended actions I should take, so I don't have much to argue with.

The only thing that made me say I saw a small improvement is that W said she may have loved me once, but can't anymore. I thought that was an improvement from what she has told me before, that she never really loved me, that she only married me because I was an engineer and she thought her family would respect her more if she married me. I know it doesn't change anything for our relationship status at the moment and I'm not getting my hopes up over it.

Looking into it more it seems I can't remove W from the car insurance policy unless she signs something herself. Maybe I could just cancel the policy myself and get a new one somewhere else. I'm not sure if this issue is more about the cost of the policy, or about me standing up to W demanding she support herself.

I closed one joint checking account today that only had $60 in it. I will tell her tomorrow and give her half the cash when we meet to hand off son. I'm also going to talk to her about our remaining joint accounts, reasserting that I wish to close them. I will give her two options: she can have half the balance in the accounts and I give her no continuing support, or I move all the money in the accounts to my new private checking account and have her give me a monthly amount she thinks she needs to live on, which I will consider and accept. And I will move direct deposits to my private checking account (one is done already but I have another that I haven't moved).

She said herself that her spending was a form of financial abuse against me. Why would I want to continue sharing accounts with her when she even admitted that herself? Even if she wasn't cheating on me and wanting a divorce, it would be reasonable for me to establish financial boundaries to protect myself from a possible reoccurrence of that abuse.

- She is living on her own and now can do anything she wants to do. (Remember, Ws don't need to move out for any other reasons than to sleep with someone else or someones else.)

That is probably a factor here, but I don't think it is fair to say that is the only reason she is moving out. Another factor is her not wanting to live with me, someone she believes and/or feels controlled and abused by.