V, LW, Steve, Helena, Davide, thank you. I read thru your responses multiple times to gain strength. I was reading another thread where Steve commented that she was the enabler and I could find so many similarities there. I ran the household, did all chores, managed finances, did most with D3, he made more money but not significantly so. One of his complaints is that I have nagged him about not pulling his weight at home. For the last 2 months, H does all household chores in fact beats me to it staying late at night and comments that I have been slacking at home. The patterns are all there no matter what our backgrounds are. I have let him take the reins with household chores, it is a 180 for both of us really.
Mediation went ok, he flipped on a few things but mostly everything is agreed upon, now it is only a matter of time. He was also trying to justify his position a lot to the mediator telling him how he is doing his best for the kids and how he wants to always watch out for them. The mediator wasnt buying any of it. The good part I think is I was stable, only choked once when it came to custody talks and I was dressed to impress, a lot of people at work even complemented how I looked, thanks to BD I have lost all preg weight in just 4 months and of course now I am thinner than before.
On returning H went into a texting frenzy saying I changed a few things once I went there, blamed me for wanting to speak to mediator by myself for just a minute and tried again to tell me how emotionally I was not supportive to him and I need to relent to his need to relocate post D. Wherever appropriate I validated, said sorry he was so miserable and he ended saying I need to introspect to see how I have failed him for 15 years to which i did not respond back. He has never had such discussions on text, but at home he has been casual, his post DB aloof self with minimal convo between us. He is even attempting some small talks to which i just respond nonchalantly. I was actually expecting the raging angry him but since the D is almost final maybe he is controlling his emotions.
I do not expect him to change his mind in the next 3 months, I only know I gave it my all. Are there any tips to improve my sitch? Is being out with the kids GAL enough? I am positive there is no PA and actually dont think there is an EA either He probably does suffer from depression but more so he has been a pleaser who has bottled up resentments and now his ego has got the better of him. I wish I had come here sooner, the first 2 months post BD I made so many mistakes, pursued like crazy, cried, pleaded, begged, involved parents on both sides, it was like my post partum brain could not process any of this shock.
Well I have small kids to raise so I dont have time to fall apart or mope or analyze anymore. What an unexpected end though. Just like that I went from completing my family with baby 2 to having no family set up for my children.
