Introduction

[SteveLW]

Welcome TJT! And as cadet and others say, sorry you are hear. But I have good news:

Nothing you have seen or heard from your H is original. We've all seen the same things, heard the same things, and gone through the same emotions.

First, do as cadet says and read DB/DR. Read all of his links. Do that homework, you will be so much better off for it.

GAL!! So important. There is no way to properly detach without GAL. Continue your 180s.

One word of caution: do nothing or do not stop doing anything just to see "his reaction". WASs are notoriously good at seeing disingenuous actions for what they are.

Do GAL FOR YOU! Do 180s FOR YOU! Do detach FOR YOU!! DBing is more about preparing YOU for what comes next than for trying to change him or his mind. Sometimes it has that side benefit, but make these changes for you, not him.

Also, do not ignore the advice here because "he already feels unsupported" yada yada yada. WASs are notorious for making up reasons for giving up. From reading your sitch you were TOO supportive of him. In fact you were an enabler. Covering him for finances, covering him for bread-winning, covering him for doing 90% of the work in the home and MR (your words). THAT IS ENABLEMENT.

Believe it or not that is the cause of his resentment. It was funny, when I was reading your sitch about him trying to find jobs for his employees I immediately thought, wow he is more worried about them than he is her! And then you had typed the exact same words!! Guess what, you don't need him. He knows that. He needs you. But these employees, he felt (and they felt) needed him. And that gave him purpose. That gave him responsibility. That gave him a sense of being needed. You need to tap into that. You need to quit being his enabler and let him stand on his own two feet.

As I read your sitch I thought, wow, she sounds more like the guy and he sounds more like the girl in this MR. That may be a tad sexist, but I don't care. Men and women are biologically programmed for gender roles. And when those roles get mixed up problems occur. I've seen it dozens of times. You being the breadwinner is a huge red flag, whether we like it or not, that is the way our world was designed. That is why one sex bears the children and the other does not. You cannot defeat biology, no matter how hard many try.

You used the word "contemporary". "Contemporary couples" divorce at a 50% rate. That's for first marriages. Second and third marriages that rate goes up exponentially. Why? Partly because our society has tried to eliminate gender roles. And again, that is fraught with peril for MRs because biology.

So quit enabling him. Let him be a man and stand on his own two feet. And by all means do not question DB techniques because of what he says! WASs RARELY, almost NEVER say the truth. BELIEVE NOTHING HE SAYS. And only half of what he does.