Yet Another LBS w/ WAW

[hongaku]

This is more of a journaling post than anything else. I was in a really down place for a good couple of weeks there, from about 13 June through 1 July. I'm doing much better now and the resources V suggested have been a big part of that.

My interactions with my W over that down period were not really well handled by me, more in the sense that I didn't effectively use the opportunities I had to interact when picking up and dropping my boys off. Nothing really horrible happened in terms of fighting or arguing, or me being pressuring and using pursuit behavior or anything like that. In fact, I have very successfully been following the 37 rules in general. I did attempt to go super "businesslike" for a bit, but I realized that if anything I was only coming across as cold, angry and mean rather than courteous and businesslike. So I dropped doing that because it just didn't feel natural or helpful and went back to a more "casual neighbors" approach which is much more natural feeling and seems to be received better by my W in terms of opening her up a bit in those brief opportunities to engage.

This past weekend, during a rather friendly and warm exchange with lots of sustained eye contact and standing comfortably close to one another, she mentioned that she had been holding on to some papers for me to sign that would remove me from the lease at the family home, but had not given them to me and wanted to talk to me about it at another time. Still hasn't happened yet. Then, on Monday she shared a TedTalk with me via email. The first non-kid related thing she has sent me since I moved out. It was on "The Art of Being Yourself" and I don't know what to make of it and didn't respond to the email. It wasn't anything revelatory for me as I have been devouring self-help books for 6 months now and nothing in the talk was anything I hadn't already become well acquainted with conceptually. The only thing she wrote in the email with the video link was "THIS." (in all caps with a period). So, I assume that this talk had struck a chord with her; however, I'm aware of the dangers of trying to mind-read and speculate too much on the motives and thinking of another, so I really have no idea what she was trying to say. Finally, on Tuesday, I was going through my kindle content and noticed she had that day purchased 2 books on the subject of love relationships and overcoming problems in them (we have our amazon accounts linked for household sharing of e-books). I naturally want to think of this as an objectively positive sign, but again, speculation and mind-reading.

Since using the resources V suggested, particularly the "I Am Enough" hypnosis modules, my W has not been on my thoughts in an as all-consuming way as she was previously (it was near constant that her and the sitch were all I could think about). I still think about her a lot, no doubt, but I'm able to focus more on the GAL aspects of things than before. I've had only one night in the past nearly 2 weeks where I was lost in sadness about my sitch and the family and missing her and broke down in tears. Beyond that I feel like I'm starting to turn towards detaching and though I'll probably have more relapses, I'm feeling more confident than I have in a good long while!