I personally don't think you're looking for reasons, valid or otherwise, to divorce. You're looking for reasons to stay married. Your situation sounds much like mine. You love your wife. You love your family. You'd do anything to provide and protect them. But you're dying, just a little every day. ("A little support here would really help!")
First off, I don't believe your wife is doing this to spite you. She's not on some ego trip. She just doesn't want to have sex. With her, it's nothing personal - but how can you not take it personally when you're aching, horny and just plain in need of intimate, personal, adult female contact?
I've prayed long and hard about this. Once I prayed "What am I supposed to do with this woman?" Came a reply! "Treat her with love, kindness and forgiveness." Now, I was ticked. "What's in it for me?!" Reply: "The Kingdom of God."
I believe that if you can do that you will have put Christ's message into practice. I've been trying for 7 years since then and I've failed time and again. I'm not giving up, though. There's more to this than just getting laid.
On another tack, my guess is that your wife has issues of her own. Did she grow up in an alcoholic household? Was she abused? (If there was no yelling in her family it sounds like things could have been very controlled.) If that is the case (alcohol, abuse) she needs to get help - and you are not the one to help her. All you can do is be supportive. If she's not interested remind her that her happiness and mental health affects not just her but you and especially the kids. Here's where you might use what authority you have - to get her to seek help.
