Meanwhile 12 Years Later

[DonH]

I'm watching even more, thanks to you guys. Right now I just more see it as yet another item we are not compatible on.

Holy crap. Really?

Yes Jeep - REALLY! I have my eyes open to all sorts of things. I am in a band with and work for (he leads the band) someone who is clearly an alcoholic - functioning or whatever but meets the clinical diagnosis without any doubts. I don't drink much at all. I don't have a high tolerance for drunk people. I'm not a red neck party, let's get drunk guy. Just am not. Now, all of that said, Wild Girl has been tipsy and effected by ETOH with me but never in a negative way. She is, from what I can tell so far, the same person drinking as she is sober. She has a huge heart either way. Perhaps what I like most about this topic with her, is she has yet to give me ANY shlt about not drinking much. I get it all of the time from everyone. It's a running joke. I've had people rush to get a picture of me because I'm holding a beer. It really doesn't bother me at all, but does get old. Still WG, seems to care less - and I like that. But, still, I'd be a fool not to keep an eye on this.

There must be something about you she likes or she wouldn't keep coming back. And, there is something about her that keeps you going back. I guess my point here is, unless her drinking makes you extremely uncomfortable, why let that one difference be the end of something you are both, seemingly, enjoying?

I said I'd talk about the other aspects of this in a future post. I guess this is that "future post". So, while I very much speak my mind and often say the things that everyone else is thinking but afraid to say, I also don't ever want to hurt anyone. In Wild Girl's case, I know she's been hurt enough in her life and I don't at all want to add to that. Plus, I know her parents - longer than I've known her. I've known her aunt for 25+ years and was even somewhat shocked to have Wild Girl tell me stories her aunt told her about me from years ago. Stories about her now late husband and daughter being at my house - which I don't at all remember - yet they do. I don't want to be a jerk here. They think very, very highly of me and I don't want that to change. Plus, it's who I am - I don't want to change.

It's not my job to look out for WG's feelings. I am being very honest with her but we also kid a lot. I know when she says that we are not dating we are only hanging out that's near 75% joking around on her part. She know's darn well we are dating. The thing is, I'll just read or hear things that give me pause. For example, KML wrote to Ginger about G not wanting to find a love avoidant that sweeps her off her feet. Ughhhhh, that one hit me. Am I that guy with Wild Girl? I certainly don't want to be yet she's told me more than once that I've complimented her more than any other guy she's known. Then there was this statement a few days ago. I know I have to and am considering the source - a 15 year old girl (WG's daughter) - but still, it hit me. Her girls have known who I am for several years and met me a year ago. Other than that first time together with her family a little over a month ago now, I've not seen or been with the girls. Typically I am very, very careful about getting involved with children of those I date as I don't ever want them to get attached to me and then I go away. It's just something I'm very strong about. In this case, it really could not be helped and at 15 and 17 it's a little bit different than say 5 and 7 - actually a lot different. They have both taken the phone and talked with me for a minute as they walk through the room if I'm on the phone with her, but we've not done anything together as a group. Anyhow, getting to my point, after this weekend, her 15 yr/o made the comment to her mom, "you're not going to move in with Don are you?" OMG - again it's a 15 year old who has never seen her mom stay over at a guys house (she tells them she stays in my guest room and it's due to the 70 minute drive, but they are not stupid). Wild Girl may be wild but she has been very careful about that sort of thing and really seems to have "hung out" way more than "dated". Still, through this kid's eyes, things appear serious. Now, I know that is not even a consideration for WG. It just again made me take notice how others may be seeing this. And it's only been a month. Let's just say it really caught my attention.

I'm not looking to end anything Dawn. But if I have to be honest, really, really honest, this is just two people at the right point in time having fun with each other. I just don't see it as anything else. So long as WG honestly, really, truly does as well, I'm totally fine with it all. I just have this fear of down the road being accused of leading her on, sweeping her off her feet and just using her for sex. That is so not me and I don't want it to be this time either. I'm still friends with other women I've been in this space with and totally want that with WG regardless of the outcome. Now, let's add the cruise to this - can you imagine if I ask her to go with me? How will anyone else view this other than it's an R? And I really don't care what they think - but I do strongly believe in "perception is reality."

Is that making a bit more sense? I'm really enjoying this and I'm pretty sure she is too. Maybe I'm wrong and she will tell me next week she doesn't want to hang out anymore or met someone else or whatever. I just don't think that's going to happen. She was at a local county fair tractor pulls (she's an ex farm girl remember) last night and I had no intention to contact her - just let her be. Of course I get a text around bedtime. We've pretty much had some level of contact everyday for the past several weeks now. That's beyond hanging out if you ask me.

So.... I really am just trying to enjoy it all - and think I'm doing a pretty good job for the most part. But I am who I am, and thinking and planning is part of who I am. Being completely honest is also. And even though it may not appear as such, I also don't ever want to hurt anyone - including myself. So we'll just see where things go. Her days off are Sunday and Monday and at least my Sunday's start to get booked up pretty soon here. She also has lots of family plans. In fact, I'd take her on a band trip next month that would be such a fun paid weekend getaway but she will be with her family on vacation. So we just find time where we find time. Thing is, we've been finding a lot of time lately.