OK now she feels like she doesn't want to try and that she is just a mess. She said she is so confused. That she is everything right now and feels like she is in a tornado. She doesn't know where to go, what to do, which way to turn. Talking about our problems was fine, but she was reminded of our old R and how she didn't like it. She can't force herself.
What was your response to that? It should have been to listen and validate, nothing more. Hold your course and let her flop around like a fish out of water, not your problem. Who is the lighthouse and who is the hot mess? Like I said before, SHE has to do all the work to get YOU back. YOU are the prize here.
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This lasted about 3 hours. She said something reminded her of our old relationship when we were looking at condos. Maybe I can be with you but I can't right now.
"W, I am sorry you are struggling with this. But please understand, I don't know if I can be with you anymore either. So much has happened and I don't know if I can trust you again. I am here for you if you need to talk, but to build a new relationship we will have to have a lot of discussions about how to proceed."
PUT HER ON NOTICE! You are not just sitting around as a convenient plan B. Steve's post is a great example of how loony things can get before recon happens. You need to stay true to yourself while she sorts out her mess. And it is HER mess.
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WTF was I thinking taking her to Florida with me...I brought up how she wanted to leave right then and there (when we were talking earlier) and said how she was doing that to "escape her tornado". I asked if that would actually help and she didn't know but that it sounded good at the time.
Wherever she goes, there she is. She can't run and escape her tornado.
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Guess it's time to back off the pursuit and go back to LRT and validating her feelings.
You never should have stopped. Next time you think about changing course, remember this incident.
