It may sound insane but using this as a sounding board, even for only a couple days, has helped tremendously. I have been able to let go of my panicked feeling. Over the years he has threatened to leave before and I either didn't take him seriously or convinced him to stay. This time I didn't do that. But then felt panicked afterwards when it really happened and the house was half cleared. Maybe this is his best chance to see his problems in the relationship because this far, he has seen mine but rarely his. Maybe he will realize the binge drinking and his anger is not part of a healthy relationship. I have taken steps back. Last night he called for no reason, just to see how we were doing. I waited a few hours to call him back, which is new for me. I gave short answers and was the first to get off the phone. I have realized that for us to be back together that he is going to have to do some serious work on himself too. My initial thoughts were get back together and work that out in the process but obviously it's been 7 years and things haven't worked well. The best chance of him looking at himself in the mirror is me getting a life and letting him live his and see if he discovers he has changes to make.
