Well we talked this morning. My phone was off so I didn't get her text about wanting to talk. She came in the bedroom and told me that she is "shattered" and "miserable" and cried a lot. Talked a lot about her pain and I listened and validated and said sorry a time or two. Then we took a poop break and talked in the living room. Then did some more of the same. She cried a lot. After a while I got up and she asked me to sit down so I did. Then I asked her what she wanted to say. It took her a while to get to it bc she was beating around the bush. She said her blanket reminded her of the ocean floor and I said that's funny. She asked why and I told her bc I'm going to Florida next week. She starts talking about how she wants to go.
I said I'd love that, but I can't do that bc I wouldn't go with you while you are seeing someone else. And she said "OK". I was like OK what? So it took several minutes and she half assed said some things implying she wanted to try. She said she is a wimp and didn't want to say it. She said "you know what I mean". So I said what I thought she meant (about trying and there not being anyone else) and she said yes.
So I said "Now you say it", bc I want to hear it. So she said she wants to try and that she knows there can't be anyone else. So then I made some more boundaries clear and we talked more about what happened. She's ok with my boundaries. She did apologize for hurting me and said at that point she was done and moving on. There was no question in her mind. She was hurting, continuing to be hurt, and wanted to get away from that. So I was really honest about a lot and so was she. I didn't like everything I heard when we were being honest and neither did she.
My boundaries were basically about commitment and trying and I explained what it looks like for me. Primarily no OM. We talked about positive communication and being open and honest about what we need from each other. I told her it will be weird and awkward and that I won't like everything she is thinking and feeling. We talked about starting new, and how some parts of the old R were worth keeping and much needed to be new.
Anyways, this is a ton to process. I was planning on going to Florida, now W wants to go. I'm going to need to see proof she broke it off with him, and ask W if she can really be in the car with me for 10 hours and stuck sleeping with me for several days.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
