Advice on my Scenario Pt. 18 - Nunquam Iterum

[sandi2]

The description of the female covert NPD sounds so much Like your W. Everything you've said about her, appears to fall into this category.

She will often choose men who have been wounded from a previous relationship.
Upon meeting the man, she will engage in sex almost immediately.
She depends upon her physical beauty and sexuality to gain attention, seduce, etc.
During the initial stages of their relationship, she feeds the man's ego and makes him feel like a "real man". The love bombing period is how she gets him addicted to her. Then when she discards him, he will crave her as if she were his drug.

There is no closure.......if you seek it from the narcissist. They will not confess, admit wrong doing, or apologize for treating you terribly. They will not take responsibility for fault. They believe it is never their fault. They will never honestly answer the questions you seek. Closure must be found outside and away from the NPD.

Co-parenting is a nightmare. You can't co-parent with a NPD female, like you could a normal person. She won't be reliable. She won't be responsible for paying for her share of cost. You can't discuss things with her without her pushing your buttons or making a dig at you in some way. She's going to play the victim, etc. There are several videos about this subject.

She will never respect your boundaries. It is a waste of time to tell her something is your boundary, b/c she will step over the boundary line just to get a reaction from you. Getting a reaction from you is her "supply". The NPD has to have "supply". This is what feeds her. It doesn't matter if it is a positive or negative response.......as long as you react, it feeds her NPD. What the NPD can't stand is no reaction whatsoever. For instance, if you were face to face, you would show no emotion in your facial expressions. And you would not look her in the eye. (I know, this is contrary to the 37 rules, but those were for when dealing with a non NPD). You would not give her your undivided attention. You would not act interested or affected by anything she said. If she threatens, don't show a reaction. Just give a universal one-word answer for whatever she says.........like, "Okay"........without any emotion.

The female with NPD will not change. She has no capacity for empathy. She will throw you a crumb ever so often in order to keep you addicted, which supplies her with your reactions. As long as you give her supplies, she won't leave you alone. She is all about drama and chaos. The more you stir the pot, the more you feed her.

If you allowed her to come back into a R with you, the same cycle would repeat itself.

According to all the videos I watched, the previous attempts you made and even some of the suggestions given.........cannot work successfully when dealing with a NPD. You cannot have the type of communication rapport you might otherwise have with a normal person. It would be to your health's advantage to only respond to her questions in a business like manner, and leave all emotions out of it. Do not add anything. Don't try to be nice, wish her a good day, made snide remarks or anything. You cannot be friends, and you cannot one up her. Distant yourself every way possible from the NPD and focus on healing yourself apart and outside of her.

You must find your self worth apart from her. You believed all her fluff & puff she was giving your ego during the love bombing phase. It's time to build a healthy self-esteem indepentant from her or another person. When you depend on another person to be the foundation or source of your self worth........then what happens if they discard you? It's worse than just experiencing heartbreak over losing the one you loved, b/c you feel as if you've lost yourself.

I have heard people who were addicted to cocain say that they never got that same feeling as they had the first time they used it. Every hit was them seeking that initial high they experienced the first time. You have had a long, painful period of withdrawals. I hope you won't look to her to get that "feeling" you credit her giving you during the love bombing.