Thank you Wfl for your comments. Work actually allows me too much time to think on my sitch AND frankly coming to this site many times ramps up my anxiety even when I take comfort in the words and shared experiences of those here.
I have not intentionally thought to work on myself in the way you describe but I am doing so.
W is on a trip and seemingly happy as can be while I the left behind will go see my L for a D that I do not want. Our places should be reversed. I know that God is with me and will never forsake me but right now I struggle mightily. Perhaps I am mistaken in my stinky thinking on how W is doing anyway.
One day I will clear through this depression and life will be good again. It seems like a terrible long road from now though. I truly feel all hope is lost and the thought of ever wanting to start over I simply CAN NOT see that after the decision W has made.
