Just be careful that you don't go tit for tat and that you don't stoop to her level.
You live your life and you don't bow down to any of her demands. You do this though with a smile on your face and not acting angry, cold, or pissed off. Ignore the texts that are not actionable and those that are you keep it brief. Your choice, your decision.
In my sitch I had asked my EW to give me a heads up before she introduced her BF to our kids. She said she would but she didn't. When she told me about it I let her know that I was disappointed and frustrated with the choice she made but at the end of the day their was nothing I could do about it.
When I meet someone I could do the same thing and not let her know and I would do it just because she did it to me. As you say "Cause and effect". You stick it to me and I am now going to stick it to you. That's not me though, I will give her a heads up before my girls get introduced to another lady (it is the right thing to do whether or not she extended me the same courtesy). My EW will not sway me or make me move off of my core beliefs. I will do it because it is the right thing to do and her actions don't impact mine.
I would challenge you to stick to your core values of who you are as a man and not let her dictate what you will and will not do. IMO someone has to take the lead and show the path forward.
The more you poke her the more she is going to poke back and it just keeps on going until someone gets tired and says enough is enough.
