Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[44tries]

Yep, normal. When my W started showing signs of wanting to R, I suddenly started having a strong desire to just file for D. It was weird. But she definitely could see that I was detaching.

Right. I think overall it's a good thing and means I can consider things more objectively rather than emotionally (which is sooo hard in the beginning, even for a rational-minded person).


My birthday is coming up and W has been asking what I want and talking about another trip. Sandi, I know we discussed the last trip may have been a mistake, would like to hear your thoughts on the trip situation from here on out because traveling is going to be high priority given the time we have remaining in current location.

Today, I'm a bit all over the place. So glad to be back in routine and have time for myself, but it's thinking time I haven't really had for awhile. I don't even know how I should be looking at my situation. I'm trying to get back to the core of LRT, GAL, sandis rules, etc but my approach can't be the same as it was two months ago. I feel like I'm committing constant violations; reality is, now that we are back to sleeping in the same bed, there isn't any separation at all. Everything about my day-to-day life is a detachment minefield. There is no way I'm going to be able to detach from a woman that falls asleep snuggled up to me every night. So what do I do? Initiate an R talk? Run away and stop making plans so I can GAL? I feel like I'm looking at my roadmap thinking I might be heading toward where I wanted to be, but also realizing I totally lost my place and don't know where I am.

My biggest concern is if I don't pull the brakes and withdraw, we might fall back to "normal" (which upon honest assessment seems to be the direction we're going). The difference is I have no interest in the old normal, and I am not my old "normal" self anymore either. So I assume if I'm not complacent, it will be up or out anyway right? I guess I'm back to the question of what is slow progress and am I really seeing any?

Please note when I say old normal I am not referring to the disrespect or bad treatment. I'm not letting that back ever again.