Steve...thank you for your words of support and encouragement! Yes as much as I have experienced changes in mood from her, clearly I'm doing the same within myself. I feel as if I'm in a constant struggle to keep depression from consuming me. I definitely "bounce around" when it comes to emotions.
I'm sure her taking off on a trip has been the primary reason for my heightened focus on her. When W is not traveling, my anxiety is basically non-existent. My mind translates that she is off having this fantastic, happy time while I'm left behind. Trips were something that we both looked forward to with shared excitement and so now it's a trigger for showing how apart we are now. Toying with the idea of taking a trip myself, but the idea of going alone seems very strange to me. I think what I need to remind myself is that she is always going to present herself as super happy to me, when in fact I have no idea how/what she really feels AND given how she is doing these every month which everyone I know says is not normal, they could be more a reflection of her trying to run away from responsibility in her than anything else. Anyway I don't know where she's headed and I haven't asked and don't plan to.
GAL wise so this week while W is away I have my D which means outside of work I always keep busy with her out doing fun things together. Since she's not 4 yet, obviously these are not adult activities, BUT they ARE the most rewarding! Next week I'll be in the gym as normal, I read, have started to watch movies, pursue my photo hobby and am working on learning a new programming language...oh and I'm starting to enjoy going out once or twice for dinner. That's during the week, after work type stuff. I find myself fine when alone during those times and not lonely so I take that as a good thing. Weekend wise next week I'm hoping to meet up with an old work friend for drinks, dinner and to hang out.
Getting to a point of apathy regarding W will be blessed upon me one day. I just have to keep having faith I'll get there.
Next week I'll be in the gym as normal, I read, have started to watch movies, pursue my photo hobby and am working on learning a new programming language...oh and I'm starting to enjoy going out once or twice for dinner. That's during the week, after work type stuff. I find myself fine when alone during those times and not lonely so I take that as a good thing. Weekend wise next week I'm hoping to meet up with an old work friend for drinks, dinner and to hang out.