Was it me or him?!?!

[MMM12]

Most of his buddies are drinkers with families so I dont think he sees where his/our life was different. But it was.

During my thinking time, I realized even without his problems I definitely have mine too. I know I didnt create his problems for sure. I guess now I just wonder if I had changed things about myself then if it would have changed things in him, if that makes sense. Hes been telling me for years I need to go to counseling as I dont see anything wrong with myself (I didnt for the most part). I just though he needed to change and be more loving and attentive and say nice things to me, stop the immature drinking patterns and then I would be different too.

He is a good Dad. Loves having a family. And when we did things as a family or with each other, we had fun. Actually when we started dating years ago, thats the one thing he said he wanted, was a family. Things like this make me sad and think maybe I should have put in more effort. Thats why I am here.

So maybe I need to squash this whole should I try to fix this relationship thing. Idk.