I dont know why. But after the divorce went through the most important thing in my mind to getting back to normal, was to find a partner.
I didnt recognize it as a loss or death, because he elected to leave me. I had no choice. I might as well be happy. I wanted/want a family unit and this is what was needed. To find someone that wants one as well. Logical?
My ex's mother used to do it alone with my ex when he was a child. (I didnt know the reasons why til later. Ex's dad left for a few years but in addition always just did his own thing) she used to take him on vacation by herself. Was his cubscout den leader all by herself etc.
I used to think, "what a horrible life. How lonely. I would never want a husband like that. Thank god ex is not like that"
Her life was like the worst fate in my eyes. To not have a partner.
Well, i have been taking my son away by myself for the past 2 years. Its difficult. In little ways. Like i cant leave him in the hotel roon if i forget something in the car. He has to come with me. Or i have no one to navigate. He still has to use the ladies room. We end up arguing like a married couple...(which i have seen in other single parent dynamics and i dont like that)
But its also really nice to not have to consider another persons needs and issues when traveling.
Although ideally, its 2 people traveling with the intention of witnessing the excitement of your child exploring new activities.
For me, i was able to do it as one and it was just super nice to have my little travel companion.
Very different from my child hood though and from the childhood i had thought i would be able to offer my son.
