Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 3

[Davide]

I feel really lucky that Benito has taken an interest in my sitch. He always has great insights.

V, are you still around? You were a life-saver early on but I havent heard from you recently.

A little more journaling:

Today I arrived in Moab and Arches National Park. The word awesome has lost much of its power, but the sheer scale and beauty of Arches is awesome in the truest sense of the word. It provokes a feeling of awe and amazement that grabs your soul. I just kept exclaiming "Holy sh@t" over and over again. Gratitude for being here mixed with a feeling of connectedness with the universe, with nature, with the eons that it took to form the cliffs, monoliths and arches. Of all the places I have seen in the world only the Grand Canyon has provoked a similar reaction in me. What a privilege to experience the wonders of the natural world like this.

I received some crazy advice at a bike store to go for a ride in the park at 3 p.m. despite the heat, since there is less traffic at that hour and it is safer for riding. I didnt realize how hot it was, nor how high (right around 5k feet), nor how up and down the ride was. Even on the way out of the 16 mile ride I had to stop repeatedly to catch my breath and drink from my camelback as the road rose steadily for over 5 miles. I had planned to do 20, but cut off short, which proved to be a wise decision. On the way back the final 2 miles were all a steady incline and I realized that I had used up all 3 liters of water in my camelback. I could taste the dryness in my mouth, my lungs were burning, and I started to feel dizzy from exertion even though I was stopping at every pull-over to catch my breath. When I saw a family parked in one of them I asked for some water and thankfully, they gave me a bottle. Even still, I had to stop and walk my bike a quarter mile up the hill and rest for another 5 minutes. When I finally crested the hill and got back to my car, I saw that it was 106 degrees outside! I cant remember the last time that I reached the ultimate limits of my body. Another mile or two and I feel like I would have passed out on the side of the road. The danger of the situation and the precariousness of my body in those extreme conditions was apparent.

It is amazing how an experience like that clarifies the mind. I wasnt worried about my sitch, or about becoming a better person or any of that. My mind was singularly focused on reaching my car, drinking water, resting in the AC. It was pure and utter mindfullness because the situation demanded nothing less. In a real sense it purified my mind, stripping out the inessential, the worries about the future or nostalgia for the past. It was about survival. I wouldnt recommend for anyone to put themselves in a similar situation, but I am thankful for the opportunity it presented (and for making it through it!)