Patience & DB / Detach or Divorce

[Did]

I feel worse after seeing W. I am so physically attracted to her. But she is so walled up. She seems to have her guard up constantly. And I dont think she even notices it. I did another post but it was from my phone and Im sure there were apostrophes and Cadet will restore it sometime.

I got to W house and she asks me to play with D3 so she can cook. She proceeds to make this big meal for me which is nice, and appreciated. I thanked her, we hugged it out. I showered after 6 hours in 90+ degrees and got dressed, looking good. I knew she had plans to go out with a girlfriend, they are going to a place both of us like mexican with great margaritas. Of course the selfish part / back of my mind is thinking I wish we were going... as her mom is coming over to watch D3. Something she has done maybe 1 time ever for us to go out... so that is in the back of my mind. I am not a priority and have not been for a long time.

Anyway, after she makes the food she asks if she can shower and I play with D3, I say of course. She takes 45 min curls her hair, looks smoking hot. Wearing silk small robe obviously Im looking but trying not to... or at least not to let her know Im looking.

I am so tired of these mind games. I want to tell her she looks sexy and give her affection. Or be with someone that I can do those things with...someone that wants that, appreciates it and it turns them on. Will we ever get there?!? I know I have to be patient its been a couple months of us getting along after a rocky to say the least 10 months and a neglectful marriage she had a ton of pain from. So I guess Im unrealistic in my timetable and need t o be happy about baby steps. Really hard for me...

At this point I feel worse seeing her, I guess I shouldnt spend much time with her, right? At least not unless the time is meant for us to be together - like if we get a drink and her focus is on us. Otherwise I am too focused on her and I should just take D3 out or have her when time allows. We talked about me maybe coming back over Thursday but I dont think I am going to.

I know how I feel about her if she could open up and laugh and be the deep caring person I married. But seeing this selfish person who doesnt give any physical affection ever or seems to not care / doesnt ask about me etc just makes me feel worse.

Thats why Im torn and why I think about seeing new women. There has to be something better... or I should continue to be patient and wait for W to heal / see how it goes? Maybe she gets back to that great girl I used to have. I know she has to be thinking in some part of her mind- he is going to a nice beach with our daughter. And he never loses his cool and shes told me how attractive I am in regard to neither of us being able to have friends of opposite sex.

Either way I need to detach more. I have to have less expectations / no expectation. I have to be less available. And I have to stop caring about what shes thinking since it is so far outside of my control... easier said than done.

Thanks all for advice / opinions.