Was it me or him?!?!

[MMM12]

Hey everyone, Ive been reading through posts for a week or so and Im not sure what I should be doing.

So exF and I were together 7 years. He is 39 and I am 34. We each had a child from a previous R and have one together who is now 5. Our relationship has been a roller coaster ride from the start. We would have periods of working very well together and then periods of not.
The last few months have been hell. Ive felt that nothing I do is right and he has been waiting for an excuse to leave. He has threatened to leave multiple times over the years, usually when he is mad or if I do not agree with him. He puts minimal effort into our relationship.
Actually the morning before he decided to move out we were having a R talk. I told him we need a concrete plan bc things will change for a day or two and then go back to normal. He have serious communication issues.

Ive always felt he values his time with his friends more than time with me. Our last date night was in January. Ive been telling him for months and months that I would like to take a trip for just the 2 of us.
I have tried to converse with him many times to plan it, he is always too busy to even think of it. We had finally decided on a date and once his buddies called with other plans, he wanted to change the plan. When I didnt not want to change the plan is when he said he was moving out. The next day he had moving trucks and was out within 3 days.

During the move out process I didnt say much. Actually, helped him pack as I was so sick of our situation. He cried the day before his final move out day and said he doesnt know if he was making the right decision. He told me another night before move out that he has a plan and hope it works out, that maybe this will be good for us, but then turned cold the day he left and in a hurry to leave to get to his buddies house.

Not sure if this matters but he has been very verbally and emotionally abusive, binge drinks with friends and during the binge goes MIA (every 3-6 months). He had a drinking incident in Feb and decided he wasnt going to drink anymore. In April he decided to start drinking again and it has been hell since. He says I am controlling and mean. In the past while working out of town he frequents bars and often cant converse on the phone until the next day.

There is so much more to this. Im a horrible story teller I know.
Anyways, so about a week after he left I started to think about the things I did to contribute to the relationship breakdown. He is rare to answer texts and if he does its a day or so later. We have to communicate due to the kids situation.
I did pursue for a few days after that all happened but have since stopped.
He is still wanting to have sex when he picks up and drops off child. I think I should probably say no next time?

Any advice? Im pretty sure he has had one foot out the door for a while. Ive felt many times that he has been wanting to argue so he has an excuse to leave.