I never realized how difficult this stuff really is? Maybe i just dont have that type of strength to pull this off? I have repeatedly asked my w to leave and she wont. Last night i moved her things downstairs only for her to bring everything back up. And i will never do that again because that almost turned really bad.
She is totally in limerance and there is not a damn thing i can do about it. I cant sit there and look at my wife get all dressed up for him and neglect her kids for him. I dont know how anyone could do that???
Time to talk to a lawyer. It is wakeup call time. Why did you let her bring her things back? A forceful, I won't allow you to share the MBR with me while you are cheating.
Also, start asking her when she is moving out? That you won't live with a cheater. I am not the biggest advocate of tough love on this board, but in your sitch it seems very tough love is in order.
And you ARE strong enough to pull this off. Grow up and be a man. Stop being a little boy. Take back your masculine power. Be STRONG, CONFIDENT, IN CONTROL. Never yell, or raise your voice, but be firm.
Next time she goes out with him, move her stuff to another room. Get a lock on the MBR and start locking it.
You got this.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Why do I feel like this is bad advice? I just feel like it is more drama for you kiddos? All over the bedroom? I know, she cheated. It's horrid. But at this point putting the kids through anymore is more horrid in my opinion.
Have you thought of just completely stop talking to her? Like zilch, nada, nothing? Completely ignore? She would probably wonder what you are up to. Playing who loved the furniture last and locking doors seems very odd at this point. It's not helping with the environment of the kiddos.
If you don't want the marriage to work then think of your endgame.
Vanilla and Steve85 i appreciate your thoughts. I agree with what you are saying but im not going to risk a domestic sitch, especiallg im front of my kids. That would be irresponsible on my part...even though she deserves to kicked out!
Im finally feeling pretty good. I finally feel that i can put the focoa on enjoying my own life with my kids and whatever happens to her happens. Shes on her own now!!! I really do feel strong and im more at peace than i have been in a long time! Ill keep you posted!
I am confused. So you are going to continue to protect her from consequences of her actions? I get not wanting to affect the kids, but she would be doing it, not you. If you lock the door the worst she could do was bust it down.
Then she would be creating the domestic issue, not you.
Have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I agree with Steve and Vanilla here. You need to put your foot down, in a mature, calm & collected way.
I would even go with something to the effect of "I am not comfortable sharing a bedroom with someone who has no respect for the marital vows we spoke to eachother. If you insist on spending time away from your children to be with another man, i will not share a bed or a living space with you. If you cannot respect that boundary, you need to find soemwhere else to live."
Move her stuff when she isnt around, put a lock on the door, and if she re-hashes the attempt to control, just repeat your boundary and say you will not budge on said boundary so long as she is committing adultery.
the single biggest regret i have in how i handled my sitch was that I responded with anger, and then spineless forgiveness when i found out my wife had been cheating for the past 7 months at the time.
I wish i had told her to get out of MBR, and moved her stuff into the garage, and taken the key to my apartment.
In the long run she only wanted to keep her stuff at our house so she didnt have to move her belongings, and could extend her period of not having to pay bills and whatnot. It also gave her a place to have sex with OM when i was working. I would assume the same is happening at your house.
I can tell you that by doing nothing, you are actively participating killing your MR.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I'm going to disagree with the others because I think you're getting into a legal issue here. YES IT SUXX to have her in the same bedroom when she's cheating, but legally she has as much right to be there as you do. You simply can't eject her. You CAN ask her to leave, but you CANNOT legally kick her out. This is a response a lawyer posted to someone who asked this same question on a law firm's web site:
Yes and no. Are you required to sleep with him - NO. Are you required to have relations with him - NO. Can you kick him out of the bedroom - YES. IF however, he refuses, well then YOU remove yourself from the room. You have no greater right to the room then he does, so you do not want to be charged with any type of domestic violence. IF you get to the bedroom first, lock the door. If he breaks down the door call the police. IF he is in there first, and refuses to leave, then YOU may have to sleep on the couch. Good luck .
