Funny how as I continue to get my MoJo back, I feel like I'm a catch again. More on that in a minute.
Originally Posted By: kml
I'm playing vibraphone in L.A.with about ten musicians who all played on the album, its like playing in an orchestra. All of them very talented professionals so it keeps my amateur self on my toes.
The best advice I've ever gotten and always try to repeat to others is try to perform with musicians who are better than you are. It pushes you to be better! This is very, very true. I love it when I get to perform with a new band or better players. It totally pushes me to be better - even after going on 40 years of performing. Holy crap - I've been performing live on stage for over 40 years already. How did that happen!!!!
Really want to try to keep this post shorter as I know when they get longer less people read them. But this whole dynamic is so fascinating to me. Dynamic by that I mean, me sort of waking up to dating again.
Totally flirted with one of the waitresses on Friday. She's really too young for me - has to be early 30s but she totally loved the attention and flirted right back. This is not typically me. I'd usually not pay attention just saying "She's way too young for me."
As for Wild Girl, I keep learning more and more and confirming a lot. Our last long conversation was on Thursday evening. Did a few one-off texts on Friday, including when she saw her parents and the first words out of their mouth was "We saw Don last night." She then sent me "Miss you" in a text late Friday night. Now this could have worried me a bit, but oddly enough it did not. I actually liked it, and know her enough to know it was late and she had some drinks and was going to sleep. The next day (Saturday) I was not going to text her but did by accident. Someone else had texted me, I read it on the screen push message but Wild Girl's text was still up when I opened the app so I responded to her by accident. Of course it made no sense so I then had to say, Whoops, sorry, that was not meant for you." So much for not texting her much over the weekend. Funny thing, I mentioned her late night text still being up and that's why it happened, and she answers back "I was drunk - LOL" I then responded "And, the feeling is gone" to which she said "LOL yep!" and then I said, "No, I meant for me." "You smart ass" she then said. That's often how our banter goes. I thought it was well played. LOL Now I totally know what went on - and so do most of you I'll bet. How many times have people here regretted the next morning having sent a text like that. She wanted to minimize any damage, not have me get the wrong idea, etc.
I could sense she was needing a little space and since my plan had been to not contact her anyhow, that's what I did - or did not do for the rest of the weekend. That lasted until Sunday afternoon when she sent me a text. I was still at my last gig for the weekend so didn't answer until three hours later. She immediately said she was headed home and I could call if I felt like talking. LOL. So "cool girl" could only hold out so long. I'm not trying to be too smug at all about this. It's just amazing how much easier it is to read this stuff after being here for many years.
So much for playing it cool... After not much communication for three days including no telephone contact since Thursday, we ended up on the phone for over four hours Sunday evening. We had a few breaks here and there but nearly 4 1/2 hours from about 6:30 PM to about 12:30 AM. Oddly enough I'm still not getting spooked. I still believe that's largely in part to her just trying to play it cool. Of course I see right through most of it and even call her on some of it. But as we talk and talk and talk and talk, things continue to spill out. What this person said, how her BFF returned from vacation and the first thing she asked Wild Girl was "how's Don?" Her D17 again walked in, grabbed the phone and said hello to me. I've never had that happen so naturally - at least I don't think I have. D15 finally did the same. She's much more reserved, quieter. Sort of the personality you need to let them come to you. But she chatted for a minute or so with me as well. D17 is as outgoing as her mom. Both seem like great kids. While I still really wonder how much damage there might be with Wild Girl from past abuse, I have to say she appears to be a really great mom. Those girls come first and appear to be really great kids.
Wild Girl was going to share the 5LL with her BFF who is struggling in her M and somewhat acting the WW or GGW wife. BFF already had the book and was shocked I knew about it. Told Wild Girl she's already read it and is going to borrow it to her. Again, more points for Don. I've now suggested Wild Girl tell BFF to read Divorce Remedy.
She continues to talk with other friends and relatives as well. She's still hung up on the age thing and also thinks I'm just enjoying this "fling with a younger woman." Well, can't lie, I am, but that's not all of it. I again told her how I don't just fall for people and am very slow about moving things forward. I just told her that time will tell but I'll never do anything to intentionally hurt her and will always be honest with her. Still, you can't deny the chemistry that produces over 4 hour conversations on a Sunday evening and lying in bed talking (mostly) for 7 hours a week ago.
She was thrilled when I asked if she wanted to go to a baseball game next Sunday. She's off of work until Thursday and has lots of plans so that will again slow things down - which is again needed. I still have a hunch I may end up seeing her on Wednesday for the 4th but that's just a guess and we have no actual plans. I'll just be about 30 minutes (or less) from where she lives and I wonder if her parents don't try to get her and her girls to go with them to the festival I'll be performing at. Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way it's fine with me as the 4th is always a grueling day performing in a parade and then in the hot sun outside.
Her ex BF is clearly now aware of me and has been contacting her. Clearly an unhealthy draw there. She on one hand says she wants nothing to do with him and is so disgusted by how he lied to her about his wife - who is now still pregnant - and will never have the chance to hurt her again. Yet, she is still answering his texts. Even her daughters tell her "just block him mom" yet... It's things like this that make me wonder how damaged she is. She's admitted so many times already how she is learning so much from me. How I'm so unlike any other guy she's dated. Ooops, yeah, she HATES the word date or dating. We are just "hanging out." She's trying to say it's just about having fun and enjoying the sex with me. Which is all I really want at this point to be honest. Yet I know it's already a little deeper than that - on both ends.
Finally, I'm also finding out Wild Girl is not quite as wild as I thought or she lets on. To be sure, she is with me. Let's just say some of my assumptions have not been accurate with her really admonishing me for a few of them when I admitted what I thought was the case.
I just hope things continue like they are for a good while yet. No need to wreck a good thing by getting clingy, overly emotional or falling too soon. Have I met what I've been hoping to meet? Or will her facade crack as time goes on and she admits her true feelings. I guess if I really do think about it, the 13 year age difference coupled with her past abuse, etc. makes a long term R less likely. Thing is, I'm not really thinking much about that at all - very new for me. I'm just enjoying what's going on now and will worry about the future later. I've not even asked her to go on the cruise with me yet - so not even thinking past the end of the year at this point. Heck, I'm good through next Sunday or more than likely Monday since I'm rather sure she will stay over again. Beyond that, only time will tell. Check back as this all continues to unfold.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Another Monday update on Tuesday - same as two weeks ago - which was the last time I was with Wild Girl. We've talked on the phone - a lot - and quite a bit of texting together with a little bit of sexting, but I've not seen her in two weeks. That is in part due to us both being rather busy and living a little over an hour apart.
Went to a major league baseball game on Sunday. Learned something new about WG - she is often late. That can be a bit of a peave for me. I'm never late, yet rarely early. If someone says "meet me at 7 - I am there at 6:59. It really did not matter and was somewhat poor planning on my part as I never really did tell her when to show up.
Let's get to some more meat here. Was kinda an "off" day. Can't pinpoint why or even why I thought we were "off" just felt that way. We are typically in such sync and very comfortable together. I sensed it in her but it could well have been me as well. Into the evening it got worse - but more alcohol was there too. This girl can really drink - although she claims that Bushe Light is like hardly any alcohol content - which would explain how she put down at least 10 after the game and into the evening but still was not blasted - as I would certainly have been.
I almost wondered if she was trying to push me back or pull herself back or in some way sabotage what otherwise has been a lot of fun. I'd say something that I didn't at all intend and can still not see being the least bit offensive, yet she was taking offence - or to me, manufacturing offence. It was almost like she was trying to pick a fight with me. I know she's gotten what may feel to her like "pressure" from friends and family. I've known her aunt the longest (like 25+ years) who she saw on Saturday (day before our date - whoops still can't call it a date according to WG) Anyhow, Aunt had gotten word about me and brought it up right away, together with stories about me and her late husband (WG's uncle) from the past. Wild Girl's mom, when hearing we were going out again evidently put her hands in the air and said "YES!!!!" Hmmmmmmm. Friends are constantly asking "how's Don?" It's still all fine with me but was it getting to her so she started to put up walls? Who knows? It just was not as fun or comfortable as last time.
What I do know is how quickly I was getting turned off. I'm still having fun and don't want this to end but, I was even surprised how I was ready to say "Look, you clearly are trying to push me away, so take some time to figure it out and let me know what you decide." I really was feeling no urge to chase, fix or any of it. It was just - off-putting. I nearly did say, "I'm just going to stop talking as everything I say seems to be the wrong thing."
Then Monday morning came and everything was back to normal - and no, sex had nothing to do with it - it really didn't. I could justify that comment but won't, you'll just have to trust me. She again stayed all day Monday, leaving at around 8 PM - so we had two days together - all good and some great. Perhaps she just had a slightly crabby day, like we all do.
It's getting clearer and clearer to me that we are pretty different. She for sure has damage. It's getting clearer, and clearer to me that parents, family and friends are so happy that Wild Girl finally has a "normal" and nice guy who is not just using her for sex and treating her like crap. She's clearly been figuring this out and as we talked more, my latest thought is that I'm both right and wrong about her. I'm right about her wild girl past, but it seems to have stopped a couple of years ago and fully stopped about 8 months ago after this guy, who texted her yet again and she still clearly has some remaining pull to, dumped her and returned to his wife (or was with his wife all along) She really does seem to internalize all of this - especially the abuse from her ex husband. If I compliment her - for example just say "Wow you really look great!" her immediate response is "no I don't." It's kinda sad. She's getting better at least and is very open and honest about it all. She right out says she has trust issues and is still fearful I'm not really who I've been showing her I am.
So.... whatever this is continues. We are in each other's life for some reason. I'd still be shocked if it's for a long term love affair but I'd also be very surprised if we won't still be connected on some level many years from now. That's how I am with others I have dated so that's in part why I say that. She is still really fun to do things with. We clearly have attraction, connection and chemistry. Family is beyond happy about me. I just think, pretty much know, we are too different and while each overlooks those differences in the other now, they will become a bigger deal down the road.
For me, she's helped to return and restore having fun with someone of the opposite sex beyond a friendship. It's been near 5 years for both of us since we've shared the same bed with someone overnight. It's been a couple of years since I've spent this much time with the same girl. Really, she APPEARS to be exactly what I've been looking for - just someone to do things with now and then but not a full-blown R. I'm just still not certain that what I see is what I will really get.
She's again rather busy this week and I will get into my busy months here very shortly. I'm positive I'll see her again - in part because she accidentally took some of my cloths home with her LOL. We still talk about doing all sorts of other things - just in passing one of us will say "Oh we should go to blah, blah" or she will say "next time I come out I'll bring blah blah" If you could see the pictures of us together you'd see what looks like two very happy people, that's for sure. So I'm just going to continue to go with it. One thing is for sure, I'm just being me. I'm just doing what I want when I want it. If I feel like calling or texting her, I do. If I don't feel like it, I just don't. She appears to do the same yet both of us are very respectful of the other and even if I don't hear from her for a day or two, she will respond or answer the phone right away - as do I. One way or another we continue to connect in a few days or a few hours. I might see her again this weekend - though likely not. I'll be performing for a concert in the park very near her house so may get to see her house next week later in the week. That too I'm told is a really big deal for her to bring a guy to her house. Even after spending something like 35 hours together, we texted for over an hour again last night. If something happens in either of our lives, we seem to let the other know.
So there you go. All good, or mostly good, and still have a smile on my face. Still to be continued.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
This girl can really drink - although she claims that Bushe Light is like hardly any alcohol content - which would explain how she put down at least 10 after the game and into the evening but still was not blasted - as I would certainly have been.
Ummmm.....Don....can we talk about the elephant in the room? This girl is an alcoholic.
Seriously - I've never had ten beers in one day in my life - that's a lot for a woman. I'd be passed out by the 6th I'm sure. Only a woman who's an alcoholic could drink that many drinks and not be falling down drunk.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I disagree Dawgs - according to one chart I consulted, 10 beers in a 160 lb woman over 6 hours gives a blood alcohol of 0.18 - well above legally intoxicated the whole time, and probably mush higher.
I'll give you a comparison - I'm an average sized woman who drink 1-2 drinks a couple times a week and haven't abused my liver. Two beers and I'm slightly tipsy; three and I get really fun. Six and I'd be asleep. Ten and I'd be puking in the toilet and have s horrible hangover the next day. Only someone who drinks way too much way too often would have elevated their liver enzymes to the point that they could drink that much without being really sloppy drunk. It's a huge red flag for alcoholism.
Last edited by job; 07/10/1810:50 PM. Reason: edited per the poster
Does not an alcoholic make, especially the watered down beer such as Busch (said with a smirk), nor is it a flag.
With all due respect, that is a poor generalization. Some people can handle drinks and others can't. Charts. Good grief, KML.
Now, I'll give you a comparison. I'm 6' and 185 and over a six hour period 10 beers are childs play. However, if I were drinking that beer I may puke out of, for lack of better term, disgust. Am I an alcoholic? Not in the least as in this past week was the first I've drank in a few months - and in a similar time period there was easily 10-15 beers plus mixed drinks. Not falling down drunk, either. There are so many factors to include activity levels, water intake, food intake, etc. Six hours is nothing.
I'll give you an even better comparison. HQ is 5'5 and around 125-135 at most...and she matched my drinking and wasn't falling down drunk. There is no way in h@ll she can be considered an alcoholic, either.
The bottom line is 10 beers over six hours is roughly 1.7 beers and hour. Food? Water? Physical activity? All factor in.
Last edited by job; 07/21/1802:14 PM. Reason: edited a word
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
