"I am withering inside". "I dread getting up in the morning". "I feel trapped.", all describing her experience of living with me at the moment.
That's on the one hand. On the other hand "I feel so selfish about what I am doing to you and the kids." "I am such a coward". "I'm so scared of having to start all over again, with a new house, a new job. I don't know how I will cope. I can't even work the TV."
All very typical WAS thoughts/ comments. Usually they keep that inside, so her opening up is actually a positive sign. Just a baby step, but that's what DB'ing is all about.
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If she just can't get her head around the destruction she is causing,
You can't guilt her back.
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I repulse her (ok, maybe a bit strong, but she sees me as nothing more than a friend. Not a lover.)
Actually that word is probably more accurate than you realize. That's how she feels right now, but that can change with time. Your sitch is still very new.
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I know this is not to do with me, it's her.
Yup.
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(1) is the only solution. I could make this decision myself tbh. I should. My sister (who is admittedly partisan, and sick of the way my W is treating me, taking control, and I'm letting her), says I should.
Your sister is following chapter 1 of DR, she wants you to end things because she (falsely) believes it will bring closure. But it won't. This is about what YOU think is right for YOU. If you're not sure then give yourself some more time. You'll know when you are ready. Personally I think 3 months post-BD is far too soon to be thinking about D.
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And we're supposed to go on vacation next week (7/16), so we need to decide what to do about that as well. Do I go? Do I pretend I have work/travel?
I'm sure some here might say to cancel it, but personally if you've already got everything planned out then I would go. I would look at it as a trip for the kids rather than for you and W. If you go, have zero expectations that it means anything or will change anything.
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Maybe we'll chat again this evening. I'll wait to see if the time apart today has helped her decide one way or the other.
She's not going to express anything but confusion to you for months. If you want a decision before that then you will have to make it for her.
