Meanwhile 12 Years Later

[DonH]

Another Monday update on Tuesday - same as two weeks ago - which was the last time I was with Wild Girl. We've talked on the phone - a lot - and quite a bit of texting together with a little bit of sexting, but I've not seen her in two weeks. That is in part due to us both being rather busy and living a little over an hour apart.

Went to a major league baseball game on Sunday. Learned something new about WG - she is often late. That can be a bit of a peave for me. I'm never late, yet rarely early. If someone says "meet me at 7 - I am there at 6:59. It really did not matter and was somewhat poor planning on my part as I never really did tell her when to show up.

Let's get to some more meat here. Was kinda an "off" day. Can't pinpoint why or even why I thought we were "off" just felt that way. We are typically in such sync and very comfortable together. I sensed it in her but it could well have been me as well. Into the evening it got worse - but more alcohol was there too. This girl can really drink - although she claims that Bushe Light is like hardly any alcohol content - which would explain how she put down at least 10 after the game and into the evening but still was not blasted - as I would certainly have been.

I almost wondered if she was trying to push me back or pull herself back or in some way sabotage what otherwise has been a lot of fun. I'd say something that I didn't at all intend and can still not see being the least bit offensive, yet she was taking offence - or to me, manufacturing offence. It was almost like she was trying to pick a fight with me. I know she's gotten what may feel to her like "pressure" from friends and family. I've known her aunt the longest (like 25+ years) who she saw on Saturday (day before our date - whoops still can't call it a date according to WG) Anyhow, Aunt had gotten word about me and brought it up right away, together with stories about me and her late husband (WG's uncle) from the past. Wild Girl's mom, when hearing we were going out again evidently put her hands in the air and said "YES!!!!" Hmmmmmmm. Friends are constantly asking "how's Don?" It's still all fine with me but was it getting to her so she started to put up walls? Who knows? It just was not as fun or comfortable as last time.

What I do know is how quickly I was getting turned off. I'm still having fun and don't want this to end but, I was even surprised how I was ready to say "Look, you clearly are trying to push me away, so take some time to figure it out and let me know what you decide." I really was feeling no urge to chase, fix or any of it. It was just - off-putting. I nearly did say, "I'm just going to stop talking as everything I say seems to be the wrong thing."

Then Monday morning came and everything was back to normal - and no, sex had nothing to do with it - it really didn't. I could justify that comment but won't, you'll just have to trust me. She again stayed all day Monday, leaving at around 8 PM - so we had two days together - all good and some great. Perhaps she just had a slightly crabby day, like we all do.

It's getting clearer and clearer to me that we are pretty different. She for sure has damage. It's getting clearer, and clearer to me that parents, family and friends are so happy that Wild Girl finally has a "normal" and nice guy who is not just using her for sex and treating her like crap. She's clearly been figuring this out and as we talked more, my latest thought is that I'm both right and wrong about her. I'm right about her wild girl past, but it seems to have stopped a couple of years ago and fully stopped about 8 months ago after this guy, who texted her yet again and she still clearly has some remaining pull to, dumped her and returned to his wife (or was with his wife all along) She really does seem to internalize all of this - especially the abuse from her ex husband. If I compliment her - for example just say "Wow you really look great!" her immediate response is "no I don't." It's kinda sad. She's getting better at least and is very open and honest about it all. She right out says she has trust issues and is still fearful I'm not really who I've been showing her I am.

So.... whatever this is continues. We are in each other's life for some reason. I'd still be shocked if it's for a long term love affair but I'd also be very surprised if we won't still be connected on some level many years from now. That's how I am with others I have dated so that's in part why I say that. She is still really fun to do things with. We clearly have attraction, connection and chemistry. Family is beyond happy about me. I just think, pretty much know, we are too different and while each overlooks those differences in the other now, they will become a bigger deal down the road.

For me, she's helped to return and restore having fun with someone of the opposite sex beyond a friendship. It's been near 5 years for both of us since we've shared the same bed with someone overnight. It's been a couple of years since I've spent this much time with the same girl. Really, she APPEARS to be exactly what I've been looking for - just someone to do things with now and then but not a full-blown R. I'm just still not certain that what I see is what I will really get.

She's again rather busy this week and I will get into my busy months here very shortly. I'm positive I'll see her again - in part because she accidentally took some of my cloths home with her LOL. We still talk about doing all sorts of other things - just in passing one of us will say "Oh we should go to blah, blah" or she will say "next time I come out I'll bring blah blah" If you could see the pictures of us together you'd see what looks like two very happy people, that's for sure. So I'm just going to continue to go with it. One thing is for sure, I'm just being me. I'm just doing what I want when I want it. If I feel like calling or texting her, I do. If I don't feel like it, I just don't. She appears to do the same yet both of us are very respectful of the other and even if I don't hear from her for a day or two, she will respond or answer the phone right away - as do I. One way or another we continue to connect in a few days or a few hours. I might see her again this weekend - though likely not. I'll be performing for a concert in the park very near her house so may get to see her house next week later in the week. That too I'm told is a really big deal for her to bring a guy to her house. Even after spending something like 35 hours together, we texted for over an hour again last night. If something happens in either of our lives, we seem to let the other know.

So there you go. All good, or mostly good, and still have a smile on my face. Still to be continued.